THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

...with CHEAP TRICK! On a TV program called "Night Gallery," circa 1977 -- so it's not the Rod Serling creation. The setlist includes: "Oh, Candy," "Hot Love," "He's a Whore," "ELO KIddies," and "The Ballad of TV Violence."

THE NATIONAL is supposed to be advance streaming High Violet via the NYT starting today, but it wasn't posted as I write this.  I'll keep checking and update. UPDATE: Here's the full album stream, in the sidebar to the NYT's feature.

ROGUE WAVE stopped by The Current for a chat and mini-set streaming via MPR.

THE TEMPER TRAP stopped by Morning Becomes Eclectic for a chat and mini-set via KCRW.

JONSI of Sigur Ros also stopped by Morning Becomes Eclectic for a chat and mini-set.

PETER WOLF CRIER did the four free songs thing for Daytrotter.

MERLE HAGGARD talks to NPR's Morning Edition about surviving lung cancer and his new album, which is also streaming via the link.

RETRIBUTION GOSPEL CHOIR covers The Beach Boys' late-period hit "Kokomo."

JONI MITCHELL talks about Madonna, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, Prince, Janis Joplin, Grace Slick and more -- and it's often smack.

PATTI SMITH received an ASCAP Lifetime Achievement Award, and spoke about how royalties kept her afloat in hard times.

THE KITSCH IS BACK: In this free-for-all post-ironic age of music, we seem to have lost the distinction between kitsch and non-kitsch.

MATRIX MESSAGES: Some bands or record labels write little messages that get pressed into the matrix (or run off groove) close to the center label of their vinyl records.  I suppose I should e-mail 'em about The dB's Like This -- Side A: "It was like this..."; Side B: "...And like this."

CUTOUT BIN: From AC/DC to Pere Ubu, from the Clash to Devendra Banhart, from the Jesus & Mary Chain to Glen Campbell, plus Weezer vs Queen, the Carpenters vs Oasis, the Bangles, the Hold Steady and more is streaming from the Pate page at the ol' HM.

NOW SHOWING: This weekend's wide releases include The Back-up Plan, currently scoring 17 percent on the ol' Tomatometer; The Losers, currently scoring 43 percent; and Oceans (which actually opened on Earth Day) scoring 80 percent.

TIGER WOODS: Reports suggest the golfer and his wife will be separated for weeks, and that a divorce is 100 percent happening.

LINDSAY LOHAN keeps missing depositions in lawsuits claiming she endangered lives in a drunken chase down Pacific Coast Highway.

RHIANNA is feeling fine after being briefly hospitalized for an injured rib.

JACK NICHOLSON has been offered an AARP version of The Hangover.

IRON MAN + DIRTY DANCING = Crazy Delicious. The time of your life.

SOUTH PARK was heavily censored by Comedy Central, after threats from Islamic extremists.  Something to remember the next time Jon Stewart is pretending to speak truth to power; it's a sham. The network is run by politically correct cowards. UPDATE: Jon Stewart commented on the story, but couldn't quite bring himself to criticize Comedy Central, saying "it's their right" to alter the show.  That's legally true, of course, but that doesn't make it rightr.  His veiled critique rates a half-profile in courage.

NORTH KOREA: Last month's deadly sinking of a South Korean naval ship was caused by a North Korean torpedo, a news report said today, adding to pressure on the South's President. Lee Myung Bak, to respond to one of the worst acts of military provocation since the Korean War.

THE CAT and the Curry.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: A lizard with two heads.

A NINJA SLUG which fires fertility enhancing love darts at its mate is among dozens of new species recently discovered in a stretch of ‘irreplaceable' rainforest, conservationists said today.

A FOX was rescued from a soccer net in Norwich, Norfolk. Aw.

NEW CRIME TREND: Stealing bull semen.

LIGHTSPEED CHAMPION is on the throne for "Madame Van Damme."

THE FALL is advance streaming Your Future, Our Clutter.

DR. DOG did the four free songs thing for Daytrotter.

FREELANCE WHALES also did the four free songs thing for Daytrotter. (Or you can pay a little for lossless audio.)

HEAR RECORD STORE DAY TRACKS from Bon Iver, Of Montreal, Blonde Redhead, Rolling Stones, and more, rounded up and linked by Pitchfork.

STEVE MILLER: "The Joker," live on the Midnight Special.

RUFUS WAINWRIGHT (and his musical family) get an in-depth profile from New York magazine.

40 BETTER REASONS TO GET EXCITED ABOUT MUSIC than you will find in Rolling Stone, via Flavorpill.

WHY MUSIC CRITICISM IS IMPORTANT, via The Quietus.

ADAM ANT pops out of the "Where Are They Now?" file, including a planned tribute to the late Malcolm McLaren.

SANDRA BULLOCK is expected to resurface and file for divorce from Jesse James later this week.

STEVEN SEAGAL: Two more women have come forward claiming Seagal made unwanted sexual advances toward them while they worked for the actor ... but Seagal's lawyer tells a very different story.

LINDSAY LOHAN's stage mom Dina goes on the record about Li-Lo's reported financial troubles.

LARRY KING: Was soon-to-be ex No. 7 a gold-digger? Did she accuse him of having an affair with her sister? Did she cheat on King with a former Little League coach? Why can't King make his show this interesting?

HEATHER LOCKLEAR was arrested for hit-and-run last Saturday.

TARA REID calls off her wedding planned for next month.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR: The Wizard of Oz?

MEN IN BLACK 3-D is ready to roll with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones.

THE 25 BEST MOVIE REMAKES, according to Moviefone.

IRAN is increasing its paramilitary Qods force operatives in Venezuela while covertly continuing supplies of weapons and explosives to Taliban and other insurgents in Afghanistan and Iraq, according to the Pentagon's first report to Congress on Tehran's military.  General James Cartwright said the US will not stop the Iranian nuclear weapons program without "boots on the ground." The Revolutionary Guards will stage a three-day military exercise in the Strait of Hormuz this weekend. Turkey offered to mediate between the West and Iran.

CHANDI the DANCING DOG, courtesy of Britain's Got Talent.

A CHIHUAHUA MIX was shot and killed by an Ohio police officer -- but it took three slugs to bring him down; a tazer had no effect.

SILLY OLD BEAR gets his head stuck in a milk can.

COWS ON TREADMILLS could produce six percent of the world's power.

HALF-ROOSTER, HALF-HEN: Don't know how I missed this.

PONIES stare unamazed as the the Eyjafjallajökull eruption continued.

FAITH NO MORE covered Michael Jackson's "Ben" at Coachella.

BAND OF HORSES is offering "Factory" to stream and download as an advance track for Infinite Arms. ("Laredo" is also streaming there.)

THE PERNICE BROTHERS drop "Jacqueline Susann" as an advance track to Goodbye, Killer.

GOGOL BORDELLO is advance streaming Trans-Continental Hustle.

ALL SONGS CONSIDERED: Tracks from LCD Soundsystem, Merle Haggard, Cornershop and more feature in the latest installment of the long-running series.

GAYNGS, which includes members of the Rosebuds, Bon Iver, Solid Gold, Megafaun and more, are advance streaming Relayted via The Current.

JULES SHEAR: "If She Knew What She Wants," unplugged on Unplugged, circa 1990. Check how he's holding his guitar.

50 GREAT LOST ALBUMS, according to Uncut. There's a detailed slideshow at NME.

BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE: Billboard reports on the band's reformation for the Forgiveness Rock Record.

BEACH HOUSE: Victoria Legrand talked to Aquarium Drunkard about touring, Baltimore and soulmates -- musical and otherwise.

TOM JONES: Cleared of chicken theft from 47 years ago.

SANDRA BULLOCK has been snapped without her wedding ring in the wake of her husband Jesse James' affair scandal.

STEVEN SEAGAL's ex-wife, Kelly LeBrock, tells TMZ she's "not surprised" by the allegations that Seagal treated a former female employee as his own personal "sex toy."

TIGER WOODS: Elin flew home to Sweden with their two children on Monday, RadarOnline reports exclusively.

KAL PENN - aka Kumar from that "White Castle" movie - was robbed at gunpoint in Washington D.C.

MAD MEL UPDATE: Oksana Grigorieva added a touch of mystery to her sudden split from Mel Gibson during a press conference in Moscow on Monday -- her first outing since last week's announcement.

DAVID HASSELHOFF will briefly reprise his role as Dr. William "Snapper" Foster, Jr. on The Young and the Restless.

SPENCER PRATT is attacking the breast augmentations that Kate Hudson and Audrina Partridge got, which is entirely unrelated to the ridiculous plastic surgeries his galpal Heidi Montag got.

KICK-ASS turns out to be last weekend's No. 1 movie, now that the final figures are in.

IRAN may be able to build a missile capable of striking the United States by 2015, according to an unclassified Defense Department report on Iran's military sent to Congress and released on Monday. It may be too late to stop Iran developing a nuclear weapon, a former senior US defense official has warned. The Iranian authorities on Monday suspended two prominent opposition political parties, banned a newspaper and handed down prison sentences to three reformist political figures, in the latest sign that the country's hard-line rulers aim to crush any official political representation by the reformist movement.

IRAQ: US and Iraqi forces have killed a third al-Qaeda leader the day after the deaths of two senior figures in the terrorist organization were announced.

EXOTIC KITTEH LOVE: Let's go to the video.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: Woolly Sheep Pigs.

PETA's LATEST TARGET: Dog-riding capuchin monkeys.

A CROCODILE puts an end to the water aerobics class at a holiday park in northern Australia.

A HORSE adopts a family of ducklings...

BECK's RECORD CLUB coverS "Need You Tonight" as the next track from INXS's Kick LP. There's something about St. Vincent's Annie Clark.

NEW RELEASES: The Apples in Stereo, Doves, Roky Erickson and Okkervil River, Mynahbirds, and more are streaming this week via Spinner.

THE HOLD STEADY is advance streaming Heaven is Whenever.

BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE is advance streaming Forgiveness Rock Record.

JEREMY MESSERSMITH is advance streaming The Relectant Graveyard.

ROY ORBISON provides vintage performances of "Running Scared" and "Oh, Pretty Woman" for Twofer Tuesday.

PAUL WESTERBERG and BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG talk to SPIN.

THE NATIONAL: Matt Berninger and Aaron Dessner talk to Drowned in Sound about making the new album, having babies, and the burdens of travelling.

OWEN PALLETT talks to the Boston Herald about his academic rep, while noting he's hardly alone on that score.

JIM DeROGATIS is leaving the Chicago Sun-Times to be a full-time professor at Columbia College and blog for Chicago Public Radio.

LINDSAY LOHAN owes more than 500K in credit card debt?

TIGER WOODS and JESSE JAMES mistresses get their own reality TV show. Obligatory.

ISLA FISHER looks knocked up again.

KATE HUDSON: More evidence of augmentation.

JENNIFER ANISTON: What she really wants to do is direct.

CONAN O'BRIEN and TBS: A match made in demographics.

JAMES BOND is on ice because of the ongoing drama plaguing the franchise's home studio, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc.

RAY HARRYHAUSEN, the greatest stop-motion animator in the world, is  none too pleased with the state of modern film-making.

IRAN's economy is struggling and widespread support for nuclear technology is starting to wane.

IRAQ: The top two leaders of Al Qaeda in Iraq were killed in a joint security operation.

AN ATLAS LION CUB, extinct in the wild, is born at the Sussex County Zoo in NJ. Summon the animals to appear.

GIANT AFRICAN SNAILS live up to their billing.

AN ORPHAN BEAR CUB has been put in diapers and on the bottle.

A COCKEREL swapped sex after a fox raid on his enclosure wiped out all his hens.

ATOMS FOR PEACE (featuring Thom Yorke) covers "Love Will Tear Us Apart" in Oakland. Look no further for the original.

BLUR dropped "Fool's Day," their first new song in seven years, for Record Store Day.

SOLOMON BURKE gets a profle plus tracks via Weekend Edition Sunday.

DAVID BYRNE has an interview plus tracks from Here Lies Love, about Imelda Marcos (infamous wife of the Philippine dictator Ferdinand Marcos) at All Things Considered.

BREATHE OWL BREATHE did the four free songs thing for Daytrotter.

JEFF BECK stopped by the World Cafe for a chat and tracks streaming via NPR.

THE GO-GOs are joined by The Bangles' Vicki Petersen for "We Got the Beat" on French TV in 1995.

YOU SAY PARTY! WE SAY DIE! drummer drummer Devon Clifford collapsed onstage during a Friday night concert in Vancouver and passed away early Sunday morning.

DEERHOOF's Greg Saunier talks to PopMatters about the joy of record stores, "accessibility", the revival of the MIDI format, and what it feels like to be a king in Russia.

THE AVETT BROS: Scott talks to the Reno Gazette-Journal about the band's major label debut, posthumously backing Johnny Cash, and more...

THE CHEEZIEST POP SONGS of the 70s starts at the Albany Times-Union. (Thx, LHB.)

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: How to Train Your Dragon makes a shocking return to the top of the chart with 20 million, showing remarkable legs.  Kick-Ass opens in the second slot with 19.8 million. The controversial comic adaptation was self-financed for 30 million, but LionsGate bought the distribution for 15 million and spent another 25 million for marketing and prints, so the real budget is more like 40 million. The industry tracking thought this might open with 30 million, and it still may do well on word of mouth, but Roger Ebert's review doesn't help -- which is why I critiqued his ridiculous review last Friday.  Either way, this is still a big debut for LionsGate, which rarely opens a movie this large that isn't by Tyler Perry, or part of the Saw franchise.  Date Night held pretty well in the third slot, bringing in 17.3 million on a 31.4 percent drop.  Death at a Funeral opened just behind with 17 million on a 21 million budget.  Last weekend's champ, Clash of the Titans, tumbled to the fifth slot with 15.8 million, but has made over 300 million worldwide so far.

CHARLIE SHEEN: Lingerie model Angelina Tracy denies reports that she is Sheen's alleged mistress, stating that her relationship with him is rehab-related and in the company of others.

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE is engaged to Martyn LeNoble, a founding member of Porno for Pyros.

TIGER WOODS: A battle over the children is brewing between the golfer and his wife.

MAD MEL UPDATE: According to a family law specialist, the wealthy actor-director-producer will likely pay a large amount of child support to ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva for their 5-month-old daughter, Lucia.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and JESSICA BIEL have been seen out and about together, as seems to happen anytime some gossip about relationship trouble surfaces.

OPRAH: An 84-year-old WWII vet claims to be the Queen of Talk's dad.

RANDY QUAID and his wife are once again wanted by authorities.

IRAN: A senior cleric has claimed that dolled-up women incite extramarital sex, causing more earthquakes in Iran. Meanwhile, a top general said the Iranian Army "is prepared to engage in asymmetric wars and is able to change regional equations to its benefit." And Defense Secretary Gates has warned in a secret memo to top White House officials that the United States does not have an effective long-range policy for dealing with Iran's steady progress toward nuclear capability.

AFGHANISTAN: Pres. Karzai took key steps toward reforming the country's electoral system Saturday, naming a respected former judge to head Afghanistan's election-organizing body and backing down from a bid to keep international representatives off a separate team that monitors fraud. The Taliban are moving fighters into Kandahar, planting bombs and plotting attacks as NATO and Afghan forces prepare for a summer showdown with insurgents, according to a Taliban commander with close ties to senior insurgent leaders.

AN OCTOPUS stole a diver's video camera, while it was recording. Let's go to the video.

A VIOLENT DONKEY who terrorized a field of farm animals has cost his owner more than £6,000 after landing him in court on animal neglect charges.

GUNS and DRUGS and ALLIGATORS: Oh, my!

LADY the GOLDEN RETRIEVER stayed with her master until the end.

A GIANT HAMMERHEAD SHARK weighing one and a quarter tons and measuring 20ft long, was caught off the north coast of New South Wales and is thought to be at least 40 years old. What say you, Police Chief Brody?

A DOG who survived being shot in the head three times has fully recovered, and now spends much of his time playing doting dad to a litter of kittens... Mass hysteria!