IS THERE A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW?

THE SONOGRAMS OF CLASSIC RECORDS: Airwindows, a CD mastering outfit, shows you what classic records look like to help sell their services.

SLEATER-KINNEY'S Carrie Brownstein tells the San Francisco Bay Guardian that the band's new song "Jumpers" was sparked by an article about suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge that appeared in The New Yorker. At the Pitchfork, Ms. Brownstein lists "Ten Songs to Enjoy o­n a Fair-Weathered Sunday."

LIVE 8: Bob Geldof officially announced a star-studded day of concerts in Europe and the United States in July (coinciding with the G-8 summit, natch) aimed at pressuring world leaders to end poverty in Africa. So if I want to fly to Berlin, I can see Brian Wilson and a-ha...

BULLETTE is trying to attract attention from record labels by offering an entire album for free download at her website. You can download the whole thing at o­nce or a track at a time, which is what I'm doing. So far, so good. It's indie-rockish, with various flourishes...tuneful, not inviting an obvious comparison with others offhand, which is good.

50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER: The Paul Simon tune lists o­nly a few of them; The Morning News has the rest.

"I WANNA DESTROY YOU," as covered by Six By Seven, can be downloaded this week over at Chromewaves.

BRADGELINA UPDATE: Director Doug Liman fears the shocking sex scenes between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith are so realistic that fans of Jennifer Aniston will boycott the film. Or Liman thinks the controversy will boost the box office. Apparently, Aniston is so upset that she's asked David Arquette for help, a sure sign of temporary insanity. New York Daily News Gossip Ben Widdicombe thinks that Mr. & Mrs. Smith shows that Pitt and Jolie have "maybe the best o­nscreen chemistry since the invention of color film." Of course, in the same column, Widdicombe quotes disco diva Vickie Sue Robinson, who died in 2000.

CHRISTIAN SLATER, last heard from asking strangers for Cialis in a restaurant restroom, is arrested for groping a woman o­n the street. Sounds like someone fronted him that Cialis.

BRITNEY SPEARS is more famous than her husband, but I have to hand it to the folks at the Boston Herald for dubbing her "The Bride of Federline."

TOM-KAT UPDATE: You can stream clips of Cruise's interview with Access Hollywood, including a Scientology-based rant against psychiatry and drug treatments. Katie Holmes is joining the ffort to convince people that their romance is real.

CHARLES LINDBURGH had three German mistresses simultaneously, according to a new book published o­n Monday. Apparently, when Chuck dropped the isolationist stance, her really dropped it.

BONO talks about Pope John Paul II, President Bush, Jesse Helms, Gorbachev and more in a book excerpt published in the London Sunday Times.

STAWBERRY FIELDS officially closed its doors o­n Tuesday.

THE MODERN ROCK 500 is being repeated throughout the week at WOXY, a longtime pick to click of prof. Ken King.

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE rent control. That's all they really want.

THE LOVE STORY OF JOHNNY AND JUNE CARTER CASH, as read by Sarah Vowell, a/k/a Violet Parr of The Incredibles.

LLAMAS have "nanobodies" that are smaller and more stable than human antibodies, which may could point the way to new ways of tackling human diseases. They also have two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey.

CATS AND DOGS: U.S. airlines will track the number of cargo-area pet deaths and begin reporting the data to the government.

DOGS are tortured to tell the future in Bulgaria. o­n a lighter note, the Jodiverse has a gallery of dogs Jodi has met. Awwww...

FRENCH MELT: In the wake of the "no" vote o­n the EU Constitution, president Jacques Chirac has named Dominique de Villepin (who is a man) as France's new prime minister. The BBC's Caroline Wyatt in Paris says that he of all candidates "most typifies the French elite so roundly rejected by the French people o­n Sunday." But Reuters thinks he's "dashing." So he's got that going for him, which is nice.

GERMAN MELT: German teens, faced with liberal parents who are tolerant about sex, drugs and rock and roll, are increasingly rebelling by turning to neo-nazi fashion, music and ideology.

DEEP THROAT is revealed to be W. Mark Felt, former number two man at the FBI. Woodward and Bernstein confirm the admission, though I believe Watergate junkies will find that if Felt is the guy, Woodstein offered up red herrings about his identity. In 1980, Felt was convicted of conspiracy to violate civil rights for his admitted role in arranging illegal break-ins, burglaries and other measures against friends and relatives of fugitive members of the Weather Underground; he was pardoned by President Reagan in 1981. The same story notes that James Mann, who worked at the Washington Post during the time in question, gave everyone a big hint about this back in 1992. At Protein Wisdom, Jeff Goldstein lists "9 rejected names Bob Woodward ALMOST used for his Watergate source, 'Deep Throat.'"

DARFUR, perhaps the world's worst humanitarian crisis, is blogged at Brooklyn Vegan. The links to NSFW pics of Natalie Portman are just a bonus.

UZBEKISTAN: Sens. McCain, Graham and Sununu met with opposition leaders and urged Karimov's Government to allow international inspectors in to investigate the reports of massacre in Andijan. (President Bush has similarly urged an investigation.) The Karimov government would not meet with the Senators.

IT SHAKES ALL OVER LIKE A JELLYFISH, that crazy little thing called love.

IT'S NOT A CONE OF SILENCE, but the cone of babble serves the same privacy function.

BATMAN BEGINS opens this month. The art of Mark Chamberlin reminds us why it's a good thing that this prequel-of-sorts will not feature the ambiguously gay duo.

NANOROBOTS could soon be taking pictures in your intestines.

THE UNMELTING POT: 26 groups are lobbying to have NYC to translate all school documents, including school notices and report cards, into nine languages.

NOT A FORTUNE-TELLER as much as a fortune-writer.

ARROGANCE IN JOURNALISM: Andrew Cline, a former journalist going into academia, lists ways in which j-school students are taught arrogance. But if you want a case study, you need o­nly read Jon Carroll's column in the San Francisco Chronicle, the thrust of which is that the press may get things wrong, but we should just grovel at the feet of his colleagues for actually doing the job of journalism.

GITMO UPDATE: The Associated Press repeats the complaints of some detainees, claiming that they "offer a glimpse into the secretive world of Guantanamo Bay," before admitting that "Whether the stories are true may never be known." Amnesty International's idiotic claim that Gitmo is a "gulag" was served up as a pinata for President Bush, who called the claim absurd. More absurd is Amnesty's refusal to admit that this was a mistake, which will o­nly further marginalize the group and distract from whatever valid claims it may have. Meanwhile, terrorists bomb mosques, kill Muslim worshippers and some Pakistanis blame America, going so far as to torch a KFC restaurant in Karachi, killing six more innocent locals. "We hate America because Americans are responsible for the miseries of all Muslims in the world," said Nisar Haider, a spokesman for the Immamia Student Organization. Which explains the bombing of the aforementioned mosque by an al-Qaeda affiliate. And why most Afghans and Iraqis demand their old regimes back. What, they don't?

MINI-ZOO DISCOVERED IN PUBLIC HOUSING: In Vienna, Austria, firemen called to a flooded first floor council flat discovered a mini-zoo including a pig, two pythons, a caiman and several cats swimming in the water.

HIKER ESCAPES BEAR ATTACK with his Brazilian martial arts training.

CHICKEN TICKETED FOR CROSSING ROAD gets complaint tossed in court.