THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

...with the UKULELE ORCHESTRA of GREAT BRITAIN!  John Moore of the Jesus and Mary Chain and Black Box Recorder is appalled at the UK's Ukulele orchestra craze, but he mostly fears that uke bands will not stick to ironic cover versions -- which is what we'll hear here, starting with Ennio Morricone's "The Good the Bad the Ugly," David Bowie's "Life On Mars" (which is a bit of a mash-up); The Undertones' "Teenage Kicks," Lou Reed's "Satellite of Love" (with a dash of Pythonesque Eurovision-y goodness); and their New Year's Eve performance of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit."  BONUS:  The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra includes Bret McKenzie (of Flight of the Conchords fame) on Outkast's "Hey Ya" and A-Ha's "Take On Me."

STARS tells ChartAttack how the preemptive digital digital release of their current album worked out.

REGINA SPEKTOR was taken to a local hospital after collapsing at The Ryman Auditorium.  Her rep says it was due to a severe inner ear infection which caused a sudden case of vertigo and that she is feeling much better.  Best wishes to her.

RILO KILEY did a chat and unpluggety mini-set for KUT, streaming now via NPR.

BAND of HORSES frontman Ben Bridwell talks to PopMatters about about moving back South to record his new album, the Wal-Mart ad controversy, and indie rock's most influential beards.  He also names a few of his favorite things for Pitchfork's Guest List feature.

ALL SONGS CONSIDERED:  Tracks from Grizzly Bear, Emma Pollock, Shocking Pinks and more are featured in this week's show.

THE POLYPHONIC SPREE leader Tim DeLaughter tells the Baltimore Sun that a second mortgage and commercials keep the 22-member choral symphonic rock group going.

THE KILLERS make a second video appearance this week, bringing on The Vines, Howling Belles, and Louis XIV for a cover of "Helter Skelter."  Not as good as when Husker Du and Soul Asylum used to do it, but still...

INDIE SELLS OUT:  Harp magazine looks at the growing trend of indie artists writing 30-second, made-for-TV tunes -- which are taking on a life of their own as viewers are craving full-length versions.BEST OF 2007:  Largeheartedboy has started the List of Lists.

THE 100 GREATEST ROCK & ROLL MOVIES, according to Blender magazine.

THE 100 GREATEST INDIE ROCK ALBUMS, according to Blender, with discussion at the 'Gum.

AMY WINEHOUSE was booed and jeered by hundreds of fans after ranting on stage about her husband in jail, reports the Daily Mail.

PETE DOHERTY snorts line after line of cocaine just days after promising he would check back into rehab.

CUTOUT BIN:  This Friday's fortuitous finds from the ol' HM are:  The Beatles - Twist & Shout (Diplo remix); Futureheads - Let's Dance (D. Bowie); Silicon Teens - Judy in Disguise (John Fred); Herbie Hancock - Rockit (Single Version); J. Geils Band - Lookin' For a Love (Live); Otis Redding - Cupid (S. Cooke); Aretha Franklin - Rock Steady; Wilson De Neves - California Soul (Ashford & Simpson); The Dramatics - Hot Pants in the Summertime; Lucky Soul - Add Your Light To Mine, Baby; Teenage Fanclub - Alcoholiday; Flamin' Groovies - Shake Some Action; Pilot - Magic; Grand Funk Railroad - The Loc-o-motion; Hues Corporation - Rock The Boat; Electric Light Orchestra - Can't Get It Out of My Head; Rolling Stones - She's A Rainbow; R.E.M. - Superman (The Clique); The Sun - (Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman (The Kinks); Guided by Voices - Hold On Hope; and Matt Nathanson - Don't Stop Believin' (Live). 

BEOWULF 3D was quite the experience.  Robert Zemeckis employs the latest version of the motion-capture-based cg-animation from The Polar Express -- and while much improved, it's still not quite right.  The folks at Pixar have a theory that it is easier for audience to suspend disbelief for obvious cartoons than for "near-real" humans, as your brain is subconsciously telling you something doesn't look quite right.  The 3D effects are quite good, but (with the exception of the climactic sequence) often impressed me more when used subtly.  It's cool when Beowulf is almost hitting you with his sword, but I think it also (ironically) tends to take the viewer out of the film.  Using it to lend depth, otoh, can help draw the viewer in.  The screenplay interestingly pairs author Neil Gaiman with Roger Avary (co-writer of Pulp Fiction), who took enormous liberties with the mythical tale, if my hazy high school memories serve.  There's plenty of cg-blood and gore here -- as might be expected -- easily earning Beowulf its PG-13 rating for this and some cg-nudity (mostly posterior, though Angelina Jolie is near-topless yet nippleless).  There is also some (presumably) Gaiman-esque humor humanizing the otherwise grandiose; the movie might have benefitted from more of that.  Indeed, Anthony Hopkins (and his doppelganger) have sufficient camp among the pathos that I suspect he gets a big kick out of The Vikings.  Beowulf is not as effective overall as the Lord of the Rings trilogy, or even Zach Snyder's adaptation of Frank Miller's 300.  Nevertheless, it was entertaining and if you're inclined to see it at all, I would recommend seeing it on the big screen for the big 3D effects.  And the cool glasses.

NOW SHOWING:  In addition to Beowulf, which is currently scoring 78 percent on the ol' Tomatometer, this weekend's wide releases include: Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, starring Dustin Hoffman and Natalie Portman, which is currently scoring 23 percent; and the adaptation of Love in the Time of Cholera, which is scoring 24 percent.

BRADGELINA:  Pitt is rumored to be jealous of Jolie's latest co-star, James McAvoy, according to the uber-reliable Life & Style magazine.  Of course, if the mag is right about the sexiest scenes being added at Jolie's urging, maybe he should be jealous.  On-set romance karma comes due.  Meanwhile, Jolie is writing for The Economist's World in 2008 about bringing war criminals to justice.

LINDSAY LOHAN checked into the Lynwood Jail at 10:30 a.m and checked out at 11:54 a.m. yesterday -- that's 84 minutes for her her wild DUI escapades this past July.

NICOLE KIDMAN confirms the kids she adopted with Tom Cruise are being raised as Scientologists, but "I don't want to go there."

BRITNEY SPEARS ran over another paparazzo's foot Wednesday night.  Video at the link.  The pop tart will likely claim that Adderall prescribed for ADD caused the positive reading on her failed drug test.  That test -- and the court hearing scheduled for today to discuss it -- reportedly caused Spears to shelve her latest video shoot.  BTW, the pop tart doesn't save or invest any of her roughly 737K monthly income.

JENNIFER ANISTON is dating Sex & the City star Jason Lewis, according to the World Entertainment News Network.  Mind you, this is the same out fit that had the French Hotel helping drunken elephants in India, so grain of salt.

JESSICA SIMPSON is through playing around with boys. These days, she wants a man. A family man, a guy that's not afraid to pick up the babies. ... somebody that wants to meet her grandparents immediately.  Which would be okay, if you could avoid her creepy dad-manager.

NATALIE PORTMAN, otoh, is not convinced about marriage.

SELMA HAYEK claims that her breasts are one of God's miracles.  Tough to dispute that.

SAVE THE CHEERLEADER:  An arrest warrant has been issued in Japan for Hayden Panettiere, arising out of her attempted dolphin-saving mission last month.  In the full story aired on cable, Panettiere told E! News that she had never been slapped in handcuffs... except possibly furry pink ones.  Which reminds me that HP did some 40s-style pin-ups for Vanity Fair that have not seen wide circulation before now.

STEVEN SPIELBERG will be honored with the Cecil B. DeMille Award for his outstanding contribution to the entertainment field at next Januarys Golden Globe Awards telecast.

HEIDI KLUM is nearly nude in this month's Max magazine, but for the magic of Photoshop.  Happy gratuitous Friday.

PAKISTAN freed opposition leader Benazir Bhutto from house arrest early on Friday, hours after a caretaker prime minister was appointed in a first step towards a national election.  Bush Admin. officials are losing faith that the Pakistani president, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, can survive in office and have begun discussing what might come next.  The US military is examining different contingencies for supplying American troops in Afghanistan if supplies can no longer be shipped through Pakistan.  The Pakistani Army and the Taliban fought a series of clashes in the North West Frontier Province and Shangla.

IRAN:  The International Atomic Energy Agency said Iran has enough capacity to build a nuclear bomb within a year.  The IAEA is "not in a position to provide credible assurances about the absence of undeclared nuclear material and activities in Iran," according to its latest report. The US is pushing for mandatory sanctions in the wake of the report.  Iran's government charged a former senior nuclear negotiator with passing classified information to the West in a move apparently aimed at silencing domestic opponents of Pres. Ahmadinejad.

IRAQ:  Senior military commanders now portray the intransigence of Iraq's Shiite-dominated government as the key threat facing the US effort in Iraq, rather than al-Qaeda terrorists, Sunni insurgents or Iranian-backed militias, according to the WaPo. The cabinet has approved a redrafted reconciliation law to be resubmitted to parliament. In the Asian Times, Sami Moubayed argues that Muqtada al-Sadr is reconciling with Prime Minister al-Maliki while funneling members of his Mahdi Army into the Iraqi Army.  Iran's commitments to stem the flow of weapons and explosives into Iraq "appear to be holding up" and have contributed to a sharp drop in roadside bombs across the country, a US general said Thursday.  Violence has plummeted in Basra and Iraq's security forces are in full control, a British general said Thursday.  Mansour Abid Salim of the Taji Awakening Council told Al-Jazeera television Wednesday that US troops mistakenly killed dozens of his fighters during a 12-hour battle north of Baghdad.

THE SQUIRREL THREAT:  A determined squirrel swam 300 yards from the shore of ENglnad's Lake district to raid a tourist boat.  Another is learning to play possum.

CALMING A 5-FT CROCODILE:  Blindfold it with your underpants.

YOU GOTTA FIGHT!  For your right...to have a tiny horse pull your wheelchair.

A MONKEY went on a rampage in a low-income neighborhood in New Delhi, India, injuring several people, most of them children.

TWO RUNAWAY PIGS roamed across several streets in Davenport, IA Wednesday morning.  Tips on pig capture at the link.