Cream, Laura Veirs, Gilligan, Chachi, Sugar and Spanky

CREAM COMING TO NYC: Three nights o­nly in October at MSG. CD and DVD from their Royal Albert Hall shows also coming.

JOSE GONZALEZ: Gorilla vs. Bear says he's been described as “a cross between Nick Drake and Elliott Smith,” which imho is probably a bit much, but still nice. “Plus, he's like, a Swedish dude named José González.”

100 SONGS OF THE SOUTH are listed at Access Atlanta, with bonus lists of Texas and Louisiana songs. I could have used this last year, but nice to have now.

RILO KILEY'S JENNY LEWIS has a solo album coming in January.

COLDPLAY frontman Chris Martin thinks he'd sell ten times more records, if o­nly he had bigger breasts. Yeah, that's an image that moves units out the door. Besides, how could Chris sell more now that everything sounds like Coldplay?

LAURA VEIRS is getting generally good buzz for Year of Meteors at Metacritic. You can stream it from her label.

PAUL McCARTNEY is concerned about your retirement planning. Just give him your funny paper.

ROD STEWART must repay a Las Vegas casino two million dollars plus interest for a canceled show in December 2000. Jury foreman Stevan Jorgensen said, “We felt it was o­nly fair that if Mr. Stewart didn't perform the concert that he should give the money back.” Rod will appeal. And probably lose.

IRAQ: Coalition forces acting o­n a tip from an Iraqi detainee Wednesday rescued American hostage Roy Hallums from an isolated farm house south of Baghdad. The L.A. Times reports a Sadr City Success Story, but can't resist writing that it is “one of the rare success stories of the U.S. reconstruction effort, say local residents, Iraqi and U.S. officials,” none of whom are quoted in the story, not even anonymously. Not that you would do something as radical as ask USAID for comment. Milblogger warriorsvoice reports that things are gradually improving in Ramadi. At Iraq the Model Mohammed reports that there may be minor changes to the draft constitution and that voter registration increased by a million, with 50K new voters in the dangerous Anbar province.

GINGER OR MARY ANN? The answer to o­ne of life's eternal mysteries is answered. Or is it?

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Stunt-casting Charlize Theron is a no-brainer, but replacing the Fonz with Chachi?

KATE WINSLET not o­nly taks dirty in her new movie, but she's also good at it. Director James Tarturro reveals, “There were things that had to be cut out that Kate said, that were just too dirty for the film.” But not the DVD, I'll bet.

HILARY DUFF is losing weight, while La Lohan, thankfully, has gained some back. Both were fine to begin with.

IN THE YEAR 2525: If man is still alive, Tara Reid will look even worse than she does now.

BRITNEY SPEARS may want to name her son London, but Federline wants to name him Vegas, baby!

JERRY SEINFELD'S act now has plenty of nothing about family life. How long until a network pitches him Everybody Loves Jerry?

SIENNA MILLER and JUDE LAW: Don't you just hate accdentally running into your ex who was doing the nanny?

OIL-FOR-FOOD SCANDAL: A yearlong internal inquiry into the program blames Secretary-General Kofi Annan, the Security Council and some member states for allowing mismanagement and corruption to undermine the program and enrich Saddam Hussein, but does not call for Annan to resign, saying the Security Council and others should share responsibility for the failures. For his part, Annan wants everyone to give him much larger sums of our money to fight poverty.

THE FRENCH HOTEL tells Vanity Fair that, “I think I'm sexual in pictures and the way I dress and my whole image, but at home I'm really not like that.” Her fiancee is so lucky.

STEVEN SPIELBERG ENRAGES TERRRORIST for not being consulted o­n Spielberg's upcoming movie about the Mossad hit team that tracked down and killed 11 Palestinians after the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics.

BRADGELINA UPDATE: some people are merciless.

TOM-KAT UPDATE: Holmes will go by the name Kate Cruise. She's very traditional. And brand-savvy.

JANE FONDA has canceled her anti-war bus tour to keep the focus o­n Cindy Sheehan's anti-war bus tour.

SEAN PENN: Historian Douglas Brinkley claims Penn rescued up to 40 people in New Orleans and is an American hero. Brinkley says Penn's boat took o­n water because it “was overloaded with people.” Defamer notes the same thing I did about that. I would add that Brinkley's account is at odds with news reports that Penn “apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch.” As ridiculous as it may have been for FEMA to make firefighters sit through a sexual harassment class and give them promo fliers instead of information, it might be topped by the notion that Penn is a hero for riding around with his personal photographer, his entourage and a reporter from Rolling Stone and claiming (all evidence o­n TV to the contrary) that the government wasn't rescuing anyone. Nevertheless, I'm hankering to see the dramatic footage of Penn pulling drowning people out of the toxic soup wearing that flak jacket.

HURRICANE RELIEF: Still looking for the best way to contribute? Look no further!

HURRICANE OF BLAME: More than a week after the storm, ABC News gets around to asking experts: “In New Orleans, those in peril and those in power have pointed the finger squarely at the federal government for the delayed relief effort. But experts say when natural disasters strike, it is the primary responsibility of state and local governments — not the federal government — to respond.” And this: “Instead of sending city buses to evacuate those who could not make it out o­n their own, people in New Orleans were told to go to the Superdome and the Convention Center, where no o­ne provided sufficient sustenance or security.” Plaquemines Parish, where there was a mandatory evacuation 48 hours before Katrina hit, has had few fatalities.

A CNN/USA TODAY/GALLUP POLL released Tuesday doesn't give high marks to any level of government. “Respondents also disagreed widely o­n who is to blame for the problems in the city following the hurricane — 13 percent said Bush, 18 percent said federal agencies, 25 percent blamed state or local officials and 38 percent said no o­ne is to blame. And 63 percent said they do not believe anyone at federal agencies responsible for handling emergencies should be fired as a result. In recent days, 62 percent said they believe progress made in dealing with the situation is satisfactory.”

CULT OF THE iPod: Apple launches ROKR, the iPod phone, and the iPod Nano, which is 62% the size of the iPod mini.

OREGON may need more Clearasil than we can possibly imagine.

GIFTED BRAINS seem to be wired differently. What was their first clue? The general lack of social skills?

THE FEMALE ORGASM: You would think that it would be tough to write a boring book o­n the subject, even moreso that it was done by a woman.

“I SUSPECT THAT the sexual future of the forty-something woman involves having more than o­ne partner at all times.” To quote the President, “Bring it o­n!”

STEM CELL RESEARCH The potential benefits of embryonic stem cell research have probably been oversold to the public, fertility expert Lord Winston says.

TIM BERNERS-LEE, creator of the world-wde web, thinks that in the future, we will be surprised by the creativity of our children, who have grown up with the 'net.

SPANKY THE SQUIRREL is behind bars after attacking a police officer trying to serve a warrant.

SUGAR THE MULE goes to what is believed to be the nation's o­nly mule obedience school outside Los Angeles.

BEES TAKE OVER a small community in Shanghai.

CHINESE MONKEYS shake down tourists at Mount Emei.

KATRINA CAT HOARDING: A New Orleans woman in is closed in with probably more than 40 cats – either dead or alive- and will not leave without them.