Karl 
HUSKER DU: Having recently posted the Replacements' network TV debut, I thought I should give equal time to the other Monsters of Mpls., so here is the power trio's appearance on The Joan Rivers Show, with an interview sandwiched between Bob Mould's “Could You Be The One” and Grant Hart's “She's A Woman (And Now He Is A Man).”
NEW RELEASES: Lemonheads, Tori Amos, George Harrison, Jerry Garcia and Jerry Lee Lewis are streaming in full from AOL this week. Broken Social Scenester and Metric frontwoman Emily Haines has a solo album. My Morning Jacket has a double-live set. Electro-folkers Sparklehorse are back with assists from Tom Waits and Danger Mouse. Wolf Eyes bring the noise with Human Animal. And cowpunk legend Jason Ringenberg has an album of kids' music under the name of Farmer Jason… video at the link.
STEVEN TYLER of Aerosmith has bounced back from Hepatitis C after a year of interferon treatments: “It's the silent killer. I may go on Oprah and talk about this. I hope you don't mind me mentioning that.”
COVER ME: MKOB attempts the Mt. Everest of covers with with 17 versions or so of “Yesterday.” You can jukebox 'em via the Hype Machine.
THE POLICE: Stewart Copeland schools kids in a record store on the classics in a video clip at TMZ. Sting takes a whack at Beyonce and Justin Timberlake.
SEEN YOUR VIDEO: The Who perform “So Sad About Us” live at the Marquee Club on March 2, 1967. It's more than fab; it's totally gear.
TAPES 'N TAPES frontman Josh Grier makes his media recommendations for Pitchfork's “Guest List.” My favorite is his description of a London record shop run by two old men who no longer speak to each other, with each having his own counter.
HEY GIRLFRIEND! At *Sixeyes, Alan falls in love all over again with several versions of the Matthew Sweet classic. You can jukebox 'em — and covers of “Magnet and Steel” and “Livin' Thing” — via the Hype Machine. Alan also notes that there is a preview of Sweet's next album up on MySpace that's pretty funny.
PJ HARVEY, JOANNA NEWSOM and THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS will be rocking The New Yorker festival next weekend.
PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE: The troubled singer and supposedly sober supermodel could marry within weeks, according to UK press reports.
MAD MEL UPDATE: Almost two months after he railed against Jews when he was arrested for driving drunk in Malibu, the actor made a surprise appearance Friday at Fantastic Fest in Austin, Texas, to present a work-in-progress screening of Apocolypto and compare the Iraq war to human sacrifice.
THE McCARTNEYS: Sir Paul says he's “doing fine,” despite the turmoil surrounding the breakup of his marriage. I've heard that tune before.
MADONNA and director husband Guy Ritchie are reportedly planning to adopt twins from an African orphanage. The “adopt the whole village” story clearly did not bring Madge the Jolie-magnitude publicity for which she hoped.
JACKO rubbishes rumors that he plans to open a leprechaun-inspired theme park, giving us another day to chuckle over the idea.
JOHN MAYER gets more strange new respect from gossip blogs by parodying them on his own site.
SCARLETT JOHANSSON was a nervous wreck before she had her first Brazilian waxing. I'm a nervous wreck thinking about it. And the waxing crew couldn't stop admiring her body. (d-uh!)
JESSICA BIEL kissing another woman. It's the same woman as before, but the pictures are bigger and without the X17 logo to distract you.
CARMEN ELECTRA has written a book titled How To Look Sexy. Insert breast implant reference here; you know she did.
DAVID HASSELHOFF allegedly made a phony 911 call to report that his younger daughter attempted to commit suicide, in order to take revenge on his estranged wife. Of course, that's according to his estranged wife. The Hoff denies the allegation, so we can stay “Hooked on A Feeling” for now. The “you would kill yourself too, if you realized your dad was The Hoff” jokes are much funnier if the story is a fake, anyway.
HARRY POTTER and the ORDER OF THE PHOENIX isn't due until next July, but the first stills and the “first kiss” story are already out. Also, Emma Watson is unsure about continuing her role as Hermione Granger. Watson — a teenage girl who scored near-Hermoine grades on her national exams — clearly understands the value of playing hard to get when a 3.5 billion dollar franchise is at stake.
TRIUMPH the INSULT COMIC DOG is “under investigation” by the Children's Television Workshop following a raunchy routine in which Triumph sexually assaults an Ernie doll — and then taunts him about having had gay sex with Bert (nttawwt). Let's go to the NSFW video!
CARTOON JIHAD: South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone almost quit over Comedy Central's censorship of their attempt to show the Prophet Mohammed: “That's where we kind of agree with some of the people who've criticized our show,” Stone says. “Because it really is open season on Jesus. We can do whatever we want to Jesus, and we have. We've had him say bad words. We've had him shoot a gun. We've had him kill people. We can do whatever we want. But Mohammed, we couldn't just show a simple image.” RELATED: A new, official and smiling image of Confucius has sparked philosophical debate in China, as opposed to riots and murder.
OSAMA BIN LADEN: Rumors of the terror-master's death swirl, while some speculate they are a trap to try to flush him out. But I think we all know the real untold story.
IRAQ: President Jalal Talabani told the Washington Post that the US army has withdrawn from 7 of 12 provinces, but 10K troops and a couple of air bases would be nice. British forces in Basra have killed Omar Farouq, who was “considered al-Qaeda's point man in southeast Asia” and “a top lieutenant of Osama bin Laden.” The Counteterrorism Blog has more. Two of the US Army's top commanders in Iraq have been selected for new assignments, with the future of Gen. John Abizaid unclear.
GOT MILF? They do in Miami.
A CAMEL gets Sherel Crockett to the church on time. Video at the link.
TEDDY BEAR KILLS 2,500 in New Hampshire.
GENETICALLY-ENGINEERED HYPOALLEGERGENIC CATS can be yours for the low, low price of 4K. Video at the link.
POLISH DUCKS have friends in high places.
SPIDERS on a PLANE from Germany to the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport.
AN IOWA WOMAN is recovering from the shock of finding a drowned bat in her tea mug — after she sipped from the cup all day. I'm a little suspicious. After a few sips, don't you think to yourself, “Hmmm… tastes a little like a brown bat…”
