RETURN OF THE SMASHING PUMPKINS? On the same day Billy Corgan puts out his first solo album, he places a a full-page ad (Adobe Acrobat pdf) in today's Chicago Tribune, stating in part: "I found that my heart is in Chicago, and that my heart is in The Smashing Pumpkins... For a year now I have walked around with a secret, a secret I chose to keep. But now I want you to be among the first to know that I have made plans to renew and revive the Smashing Pumpkins. I want my band back, and my songs, and my dreams." Stereogum has two punchlines I won't beat.

RICHARD HELL: Rhino Records will release Spurts: The Richard Hell Story o­n August 2nd, a twenty-one-track overview of Hell's career in pioneering New York bands Television, the Heartbreakers and the Voidoids. You can stream or download a few classics from Hell's website.

LES PAUL is losing his hearing, but in true Les Paul style has collaborated o­n the hearing aid that helps him distinguish musical notes better.

NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL: The band's webs ite claims that Jeff has been working o­n a collection of short stories, joined the circus and wants to make a movie about snails. And NMH is the sort of band where it might just be true.

IAN McCULLOGH really wants to get in front of Coldplay's fans again, imho.

STEVE EARLE is headlining the Southeast Alaska State Fair; some locals are upset. And the seemingly ubiquitous Nazi and Soviet references rear their ugly heads. Some of these people -- and Earle, for that matter -- might want to study what the Soviet Union was about. Nevertheless, I'm amused that Earle wasn't keen o­n the gig himself, until they told him how good the fishing was.

WILCO pops up in USA Today's postcard from the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. Also, CNN reports that Jeff Tweedy is uneasy about his nine year-old son's ambitions to become a rock star.

ALL YOU NEED IS CASH: John Lennon's handwritten lyrics for "All You Need is Love" and other memorabilia goes up for auction next month in London.

ON THE PITCHFORK: A review of Gold, a new Velvet Underground compilation, rates a 9.3: "while aspiring music fanatics will want and need all of the band's individual full-lengths, this should suit the rest of the world just fine."

THE PERNICE BROTHERS' Discover A Lovelier You didn't get a great write-up o­n the Pitchfork, but other reviewers seem to like it more.

THE BEST OF 2005 (SO FAR) is a topic of discussion at donewaiting.

THE FULL SPIN LIST mentioned yesterday is online. Although I'm away from my collection, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere in the forties.

TOM-KAT UPDATE: The Independent asks, Why do we all hate Tom Cruise?" I don't hate Tom Cruise; I just find his current antics as entertaining as Plan 9 From Outer Space. The article suggests that the publicity, even if manufactured, is beginning to pay off with the box office performance of Batman Begins. Warner Bros. seems to disagree, as Holmes is reportedly dropped from the sequel. Also the couple is sticking DreamWorks and Paramount with a hotel bill upwards of 30 grand.

SCIENTOLOGY: Having concluded a series o­n Kabbalah, Radar magazine lists 20 questions from a Scientology audit.

WAR OF THE WORLDS: The non-Cruise version is appearing a few pages at a time at the Dark Horse Comics site. National Geographic takes a look behind the 1938 panic caused by Orson Welles' radio adaptation.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Two producers of the Oscar-winning Ray Charles biopic are turning their attention to... Otis Redding? No. Aretha Franklin? No, she's still alive. Try Rodney Dangerfield.

JACK NICHOLSON is rewriting sex scenes in Martin Scorsese's The Departed.

LET'S PLAY JEOPARDY: Who is Owen Wilson?

BATMAN BEGINS comes in for serious analysis at PopMatters. In contrast, Forbes totes up the cost of being Batman. Priceless.

APPLIED MINDS: Former Disney Imagineers have created not o­nly the Cone of Babble, but also plenty of other accessories for your Batcave.

NANOTECH: The Foresight Nanotechnology Institute, a futurist organization, and the Battelle Memorial Institute, which manages commercial scientific laboratories, have launched an effort to create a road map for nanotechnology, and it has received early support from some notable scientific organizations and companies. At NanoBot, there's a discussion of irresponsible nanohype.

A COMMON VIRUS that is harmless to people can destroy cancerous cells in the body and might be developed into a new cancer therapy.

ARE POLITICS GENETIC? A new study argues that people's gut-level reaction to issues like the death penalty, taxes and abortion is strongly influenced by genetic inheritance, though environmental influences like upbringing, the study suggests, play a more central role in party affiliation as a Democrat or Republican.

ROBOTS: Repliee Q1 appeared yesterday at the 2005 World Expo in Japan, where she gestured, blinked, spoke, fluttered eyelids and even appeared to breathe, along with the occasional spasm. You can see movies of Repliee Q1 at Osaka University's Intelligent Robotics Lab.

LEBANON: George Hawi, a former Communist Party leader and a recent opponent of Syria, died when his car blew up as he drove through the Wata Musaitbi district. Another senior opponent of Syria, Druze leader Walid Jumblatt, said the people would have to pay a heavy price for taking the country into their own hands. "The life of anybody who wants a democratic Lebanon is in danger," he told BBC World TV.

IRAN: Not o­nly was the election rigged, it appears that few voted at all; Publius has pictures. And there are more links at Power and Control.

IRAQ: Nearly six in 10 Americans oppose the war in Iraq, with a similar number against closing Camp X-Ray at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and most approving of how the U.S. has treated prisoners there, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll released Monday. Bill Roggio reviews friction and outright warfare between the nationalist Iraqi insurgents and the Jihadists. Iraqi bloggers write that the chairman of the constitution drafting committee claims that the branch teams of the committee have succeeded so far in completing 80% of the constitution's draft. U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan wants to "reassure the Iraqi people that the international community stands with them in their brave efforts to rebuild their country, and that we recognize how much progress has been made in the face of daunting challenges." Austin Bay looks at progress since he left Baghdad in September 2004. Vietnam vets in-country see Iraq as an entirely different war. Compared to Vietnam, "this is probably more difficult. In the big picture, this is probably more important," o­ne says.

DEMOCRATIC DIAGNOSIS: In Mother Jones, Steven Hill argues that Democrats lose due to structural barriers, such as the Electoral College and "winner-take-all" electoral systems. Which explains why the Democratic Party controlled the House of Representatives for four decades prior to 1994, and the Senate for most of that period. The factors Hill mentions favor the majority party and make it more difficult for an emerging majority party to win a majority of seats, but imho, they do not favor a particular party. The Florida Democratic Party has a more urgent problem: It's flat broke and has been slapped with a lien by the IRS for failing to pay payroll and Social Security taxes in 2003.

BILLY JACK IS BACK: The man who created and personified Billy Jack, Tom Laughlin - the writer, director, producer and actor - is determined to take o­n the establishment again at age 73. Jeff Goldstein solicits suggestions for the movie's title and the Plimsouls get mentioned.

DAVID SPADE is stretching his SNL "Hollywood Minute" to a half-hour for Comedy Central.

THE SUPERFICIAL posts "I have no idea what to call this o­ne." How about calling it Not Safe For Work photo of Tobey Maguire and David Blaine? And though it may or may not be Photoshopped, if it is, Maguire has much less cause for complaint than Blaine.

THE ACLU of New Mexico suspends its Las Cruces chapter after leaders learned that board member Clifford Alford is the leader of the New Mexico Minutemen.

SEN. DICK DURBIN apologized Tuesday for comparing American interrogators at Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay to Nazis, Soviets and the Khmer Rouge: "I made reference to Nazis, to Soviets, and other repressive regimes. Mr. President, I've come to understand that's a very poor choice of words." His voice quaking and tears welling in his eyes, the No. 2 Democrat in the Senate also apologized to any soldiers who felt insulted by his remarks: "They're the best. I never, ever intended any disrespect for them."

RACHEL HUNTER is back o­n the market and may be looking for someone older than Stacy's friend.

RUNAWAY BRIDE: As the big Jennifer Wilbanks interview by Katie Couric ran last night, it's worth revisiting what an imagination she has. Maybe that's why the guy still wants to marry her.

LEGAL MUSIC DOWNLOADS may surpass pirated copies by next year.

COLLEGE NEWSPAPERS can be censored by college administrators, according to a new ruling from the full U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit in a seven-to-four vote.

CHIMP'S PAINTINGS outsell Renoir and Andy Warhol at auction. Congo the chimp has been hailed as the Cezanne of the simians. Reached in the afterlife, Warhol remarked that in the future, even chimps will be famous for 15 minutes.

A SIX-LEGGED PUPPY is drawing curious stares at a temple in Malaysia. It might be more than the legs, though.

CHILD CAMEL JOCKEYS return home from the United Arab Emirates following a U.N.-sponsored agreement.

WOMBAT launches a truck into a tree.

THE DEVIL MADE HIM DO IT: A cobbler suspected of sorcery was attacked and nearly lynched by outraged villagers in central Kenya o­n Tuesday after being caught having sex with a female sheep.

A BULL AND A COW hook up in a stationer's store in Russia.

A TWO-FACED KITTEN is born in Lake City, FL.

WHITE TIGER CUB SMUGGLING ring busted by U.S. customs agents in Mexico City.

THREE LIONS rescued a 12 year-old girl kidnapped by men who wanted to force her into marriage, chasing off her abductors and guarding her until police and relatives tracked her down in a remote corner of Ethiopia. The girl had previously removed a thorn from the palm of o­ne of the lions. Not really, but it would make for a good story.

A KING COBRA bites the hand that fed him, leaving a snake handler in Cyprus fighting for his life Tuesday. Lesson: A snake is a snake.

THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

FRIDAY TIME-WASTER: A version of Super Breakout that even allows you the option of making your own custom levels.

THE NEXT MAGNET magazine will feature some bands near and dear to many Pate fans.

FREE DOWNLOADING OF BOOTLEGS IS KILLING MUSIC: For example, The Rolling Stones, Live in Sidney, 1973. Or some Russian offering loads of Tom Waits, both live and unreleased studio stuff. That is just so wrong.

JAY FARRAR talks to Pitch about his new album and new-model Son Volt.

SUFJAN STEVENS expands his Illinois tour to include, among other places, Illinois.

LESLIE FEIST talks to SF Weekly about how Patsy Cline and Peggy Lee encouraged her eclecticism.

BONO was horrified during a visit to Ethiopia, when he saw local Muslim women pelting a breast-feeding aid worker with stones.

FOO FIGHTERS' In Your Honor gets a 6.8 o­n the Pitchfork, with the reviewer preferring the acoustic disc to the electric o­ne.

THE ART OF THE MIXTAPE: As you know, the making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. In the Village Voice, Brandon Stosuy (who normally writes for Pitchfork) waxes nolstalgic as he makes his girlfriend a 100-song mix for her iPod. Along the way, he mentions Thurston Moore's new book Mix Tape: The Art of Cassette Culture; NPR recently interviewed Moore about it. The New York Times notes the efforts of record labels to crack down o­n commercial mix discs.

TOM VERLAINE has signed with Thrill Jockey and expects to have an album out early in 2006. Meanwhile, Television is touring Europe.

PITCHFORK PERFECT TENS: The inimitable Uncle Grambo complies a list of 30 albums that sit at the very tip of the Pitchfork.

THE WILLIE AND ANNIE NELSON Professorship in Stem Cell Research is being established at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas.

TOM-KAT UPDATE: Defamer reports "rumors spreading around the War of the Worlds publicity tour... that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes... (got) engaged in Rome last night. The rumor holds that an announcement may come in Paris as early as tomorrow."

BRITNEY SPEARS wants to to make hubby K-Fed a movie star, so naturally she's asking Madonna's hubby Guy Ritchie to cast Federline in his next film. She ought to tell Guy what a great impression K-Fed made when she brought those Disney execs to her hotel room, only to find him watching porn... which he did not even rush to switch off. A classy guy, the stuff from which stars are born.

FORBES magazine's Celebrity 100 list is out and can be viewed by categories, too. The musicians' list is depressing.

IRAQ: A deal was reached for Sunni Arabs to participate in a panel to draft the new constitution, ending weeks of political wrangling and raising hopes that the insurgency might be undermined as a result. Also, in a a major defeat for Al-Qaeda's terrorist organisation, U.S. and Iraqi forces have captured Mohammed Khalaf Shakar, Zarqawi's most trusted operations agent in all of Iraq, in Mosul. He is accused of masterminding some of the deadliest attacks against U.S. and Iraqi forces in Mosul, Iraq's third-largest city and a major front for the insurgency since November. Austin Bay blogs from trips to the Al Anbar province, Tal Afar and Kirkuk, reporting a mixed performance of Iraqi troops in Tal Afar. And the members of the MP squad under callsign Raven 42, which includes two women, are awarded for their heroism in combat on March 20th, 2005.

TORNADO WATCH: A new study of Oklahoma's legendary May 3, 1999 tornado stirs controversy in suggesting that running like a sissy was as safe or safer than hunkering down in homes. The study reconfirmed that people caught in mobile homes face the worst odds.

YOUR MOMENT OF SITH: Princess Leia was born in Episode III, but Princess Leah was just born in Norway. Defective Yeti provides a guide to fast-forwarding through The Phantom Menace. Dan Weaver blogs conversations with his wife about the series. And to promote the Revenge of the Sith videogame, LucasArts has released a series of limited-edition airsickness bags available o­n Virgin Atlantic flights. The punchlines generally write themselves, so I'll just say, "Barf Vader?"

CATS AND DOGS are being replaced by PlayStations and iPods in the UK. However, Brits who do own pets are spending more money than ever o­n their care.

PETA EMPLOYEES ARRESTED o­n ANIMAL CRUELTY CHARGES: Andrew Benjamin Cook and Adria Joy Hinkle, were busted for allegedly dumping dead dogs and cats in a dumpster at a shopping center in Ahoskie, N.C. Both suspects were charged with 31 counts of animal cruelty and eight counts of illegal disposal of animals. Officials say the animals were alive when they left the shelters, but have not said how they died. North Carolina officials say they have been investigating reports of dead animals at the shopping center for over a month. A PETA spokesperson told WAVY News 10 that the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has a long-standing relationship with shelters to euthanize pets that the shelters feel are no longer adoptable. That's an understatement; PETA put to death over 85 percent of the animals it took in during 2003 alone.

IRAN: There have been 12 bombings in the five days before Iran's presidential election today, leaving more than 10 people dead and dozens wounded. The mullahs blame U.S. mercenaries; reformers blame religious extremists. Polls show that the mullahs' candidates are not expected to do well and may not make it into a runoff election, if o­ne is required. Supporters of the main reform candidate say the violence escalated as he surged into second place.

CELEBRITY KABBALAH: Radar magazine begins a series describing "how a renegade rabbi and his striver wife ended up atop a multi-million-dollar empire built o­n bracelets, bottled water, and Madonna." But even Kabbalah wants nothing to do with Jacko...

JACKO JUSTICE: The verdict may be in, but you can still enjoy Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's visit with some of Jacko's supporters. He may have hardcore fans, but record companies aren't lining up to do business with the sad freak, as he hasn't sold albums in years.

CHILD SACRIFICES IN LONDON: They are brought into the capital to be offered up in rituals by fundamentalist Christian sects, according to a shocking report by Scotland Yard. The report, leaked ahead of its publication next month, also cites examples of African children being tortured and killed after being identified as "witches" by church pastors.

JOURNO TARGETED FOR MURDER... by a Chechen rebel leader. Funny how journo bigwigs like Linda Foley and Eason Jordan claim without evidence that the U.S. military does this, while ignoring those who actually do it.

TROTSKY'S ICEPICK -- the implement of his death -- appears to have been found, 65 years after it was apparently stolen from the Mexican police. It's also a good name for a band.

SEN. DICK DURBIN (D-IL) went to the Senate floor Thursday evening to repeat a controversial statement about the interrogation of detainees at Camp X-Ray in Cuba and insist he said nothing objectionable. Dick explained that he was not comparing U.S. soldiers at Camp X-Ray to Pol Pot, Nazis or Soviet guards, but was "attributing this form of interrogation to repressive regimes such as those that I note." Right; Dick accuses our troops of doing things war criminals did, but was not comparing our troops to those troops. Other Democrats, such as Sen. Jay Rockefeller, are not backing his statement. Pentagon spokesman Larry DiRita invited more members of Congress "to go down to Guantanamo and see what's going on, because what's going on down there is not the way it's being described by certain members of Congress." Eleven Senators, 77 members of the House, and 99 or a hundred congressional staff members have visited Guantanamo; Dick is not one of them. Durbin's statement also came under sharp attack by the Veterans of Foreign Wars, which has 2.4 million members, including tens of thousands in Illinois.

MICHAEL BAY, director of Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon, and Pearl Harbor, is defended by Bryan Curtis at Slate.

BRADGELINA UPDATE: Vanity Fair denies that Jennifer Aniston has told the mag that infidelity caused her split with Brad Pitt; Page Six stands by its story. So how is Billy Bob Thornton, Jolie's ex, taking things? "Sex doesn't have to be with a model to be good," Thornton says in July's Esquire. "Sometimes with the model, the actress or the 'sexiest person in the world,' it may literally be like f-ing the couch." Jolie was Esquire's "Sexiest Person in the World" last year, so I'm guessing he has issues. Jolie joined Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and others to promote World Refugee Day. Jolie then appeared o­n CNN to talk about World Refugee Day, but the interview ended up revealing more about CNN than Jolie. The National Enquirer claims Pitt and Jolie recently joined the mile-high club en route to the Mexican premiere of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN OREO BARBIE: Auction expires today o­n eBay.

ELIZABETHTOWN: Production stills from the forthcoming Cameron Crowe movie heve been posted at Coming Soon.

COLIN FARRELL dating secrets revealed!

THE URANUIM FOR "LITTLE BOY," the bomb dropped by the B-29 Enola Gay over Hiroshima o­n August 6, 1945, was enriched in part by a 19 year-old who had no clue what she was doing.

A BLUE CRAB with a feminine side. Literally. The confused crustacean may have mated with itself, but otherwise shows strange mating behavior.

STUNTPEOPLE planned to petition the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in a bid to get a long-desired Oscar category for stunt coordinators. They planned to draw attention by staging a stunt display o­n AMPAS's doorstep. Cunning!

THE DISABLED can be integrated into society and accomplish what some might might never expect. For example, wrestling alligators. Okay, so maybe not gator rasslin', but the main point is still right.

TROUSER SNAKES: No, really.

THE COMMIE CATWALK: Chinese authorities will require that models be tested annually o­n their runway skills and have proof of a high school education.

AN ORPHAN SEA OTTER taken in by Chicago's Shedd Aquarium is receiving round-the-clock care and is being taught life survival skills. Sorry, no cute photos; the 8-pound pup won't be o­n public display for perhaps months. For now, Kiana lives alone, spending much of her time sleeping in a playpen lined with SpongeBob SquarePants sheets.