THE ZIMMERS:  Brought together for a TV documentary, they have attracted a cult following after recording a version of The Who's "My Generation" at the famous Abbey Road recording studios.  The group, fronted by bingo devotee Alfie Carretta, 90, were handpicked by BBC documentary-maker Tim Samuels for a hard-hitting series on the isolation of the elderly in Britain.  Profits from the single will go to Age Concern.

B.O.O.T.L.E.G.S. is a music blog offering, well, you know.

LUCINDA WILLIAMS talks to Reuters about being "mature but hip," finishing a Hank Williams song for Bob Dylan, getting engaged and more.  You can stream a mini-set of Williams from the World Cafe via NPR.

THE POSTMARKS:  John Wilkins talks to Eye Weekly, including the amusing story of how the band came to be signed by Unfiltered Records, which is run by Ivy's Andy Chase.  You can stream a bunch from their debut at the moment via the ol' HM.

OK GO frontman Damian Kulash takes a rock Rorschach test for The DL.

LUCKY SOUL:  Having overlooked a fab review from PopMatters, I have to thank Frank at Chromewaves for alerting me to this combo, which is drenched in 60s R&B, Motown and UK Northern Soul influences.  The clip for "Lips Are Unhappy" is as good a place as any to start, though "Add Your Light To Mine" is pretty boss, too.  There's plenty more to stream via the ol' HM, including the cool jerk of "Get Outta Town!"

BJORK is gang-interviewed by several music bloggers, including Brooklyn Vegan.  Don't hold your breath for a Sugarcubes reunion tour.

TED LEO is often political in his songwriting, but he's more conflicted about saying others should be.

FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE:  Adam Schlesinger comments on random tunes from Harp magazine's iPod, which is a twist on The A.V. Club feature asking musicians to comment on random tunes from their own iPods.

RIGHT, SAID FRED frontman Richard Fairbrass has promised to run for Mayor of London against Ken Livingstone, because he is fed up with paying the congestion charge.  I guess he's not too sexy for his car these days.

MADONNA is considering adopting an entire orphanage in Malawi.  After all, if a mob of orphans pelts the paparazzi with stones, it's much harder for the press to complain or blame Madge.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS STILL DEAD, but the National Enquirer is printing the story of someone claiming to be baby daddy Larry Birkhead's "secret gay lover," which has Birkhead preparing to sue the tabloid.

LINDSAY LOHAN, in a bizarre interview with Allure magazine, says she takes on the role of protector to her friends and family and was shocked that she ended up in rehab:  "It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab."

BRITNEY SPEARS reportedly has become addicted to buying wigs.  The pop tart has allegedly traded her party addiction for shopping -- spending more than 60 grand on wigs, vintage hats, clothes, lingerie, perfume and jewellery in less than a month.

PARKER POSEY, CLAIRE DANES and CHLOE SVEGNY are no longer "It Girls" -- they are "Wuz Girls," according to the New York Observer.  Ouch.

BRADGELINA:  Jolie reveals she was sexually active in kindergarten, saying she took her clothes off and "made out" with boys.  She also talks about how she came to use knives during sex.

JESSICA ALBA and her producer boyfriend, Cash Warren, are down but not out.

JENNA JAMESON, the incredible shrinking pr0n starlet, reveals that she was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, which may have triggered a miscarriage.

SIENNA MILLER guzzled glasses of wine, put her feet on the table, chain-smoked, and picked her nose during a meal at Hollywood's swanky Chateau Marmont.

JOE PESCI went all GoodFellas on singer Robbie Williams, brandishing a golf club after Williams's friends blocked his driveway.  Do you think that's funny?  Does that amuse you? (profanity at the link, natch.)

JESSICA SIMPSON will don her naughty-wear May 4th when she plays host to a special performance by the Pussycat Dolls at the scantily-clad group's themed lounge at PURE nightclub in Las Vegas, according to US Weekly.  Meanwhile, she's wearing what appears to be her grandmother's pants.

GLOBAL WARMING, contrary to prior thinking, might not strengthen hurricanes after all and it eventually could inhibit their development and growth by increasing wind shear.

ISLAM in the UK:  Polygamous husbands settling in Britain with multiple wives can claim extra gov't benefits for their "harems" even though bigamy is a crime in the UK.  In Scotland, teachers and students have been told by an official body not to stare at Muslims for fear of causing offense -- a position even the Muslim Association of Britain deems silly.

ISLAM in DENMARK:  Imam Mostafa Chendid picked International Women's Day to tell Jyllands-Posten (the newspaper that published cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed) that all women should wear the veil, because five to ten percent of all men cannot control themselves when they see a woman without a veil.

IRAQ:  Four large bombs exploded in mostly Shiite areas of Baghdad on Wednesday, killing at least 183 people.  Agence France-Presse claims this is "a savage blow to the credibility of two-month-old US security plan," ignoring that the plan is maybe half-implemented and that civilian deaths for April are still tracking to be at the low end for the past year.  An Iraqi army brigade commander was arrested Wednesday night, raising the spectre that the bombings could have been helped from the inside.  Az-Zaman claims that a "prominent parliamentarian" may be deeply implicated in the bombing in the Iraqi parliament last week.  Az-Zaman also reproted that Prime Minister al-Maliki has approved the names of three replacements of the six Sadrists who resigned, and that those ministers will be from outside the political coalitions.  US SecDef Gates said that the withdrawal of the Sadrist ministers could advance political reconciliation if the vacancies are used to broaden the govt's representation.  The withdrawal may also presage fissures within the leading Shiite political bloc.  Iraqi commanders took charge of security in a fourth province on Wednesday.  PM al-Maliki believes that Iraq will take security control of the whole country from foreign forces by the end of the year.  Saudi Arabia has agreed to forgive 80 percent of Iraqi debt -- a major step given Saudi reluctance to provide financial assistance to the Shiite-dominated government in Baghdad.

THIS PICTURE has been making the e-mail rounds recently, but it is not Hercules, the World's Largest Dog.  Indeed, the photo appears to be a fake.

A WILEY COYOTE that eluded authorities in a nearly hourlong foot chase through downtown Detroit is pregnant.  I'm blaming Acme contraceptives.

FUGITIVE CATTLE escaped from a transport vessel in Townsville Australia on Tuesday, leading handlers on a two mile chase through the small town.

THOSE FISH AREN'T DEAD, they're just stunned, so they can be relocated during the construction of an Olympic stadium in east London.

WILD HORSES couldn't be dragged away from the Rolling Stones concert in Belgrade.

HORDES OF RATS have gained almost a mystical hold on the blue-collar town of Cicero, IL.  For those familiar with the city, I should clarify that this story is about actual rodents.

OVER THREE MILLION PAGES SERVED:  Thanks again.

POP LEVI:  An Aquarium Drunkard says "The T. Rex inspired production and latter era Robert Plant vocals cannot be ignored... But get past the obvious inspration-on-sleeve references and you're left with a fun rock record..."  "Blue Honey" certainly has those influences (and more than a whiff of James Bond movie credits), while "Sugar Assault Me Now" adds a dash of dance music to the mix.  And yet he seems so mild-mannered in this interview for the DL recorded at SxSW.  There's plenty more Pop Levi to stream via the ol' HM. 

THE ROSEBUDS get the latest audio twofer on the World Cafe via NPR.

BRYAN FERRY is apologizing for saying nice things about Nazi iconography, i.e., calling "the films of Leni Riefenstahl and the buildings of Albert Speer and the mass marches and the flags -- just fantastic.  Really beautiful."

3 x 3 is currently featring video of live tracks from The Annuals, Maximo Park and The Horrors.

THE DECEMBERISTS' multi-instrumentalist Chirs Funk gets some hometown love from the Northwest Indiana Times in a profile going back to his days at Valparaiso High School and interviews with his band teacher and the manager of Front Porch Music in Valparaiso.  Dan Pritchett, a 32-year veteran of Valparaiso High School's Band Department, recalls: "What I remember most about Chris, was that the minute he saw an instrument that he was not familiar with, he had to pick it up and learn how to play it..."

SEEN YOUR VIDEO:  Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore -- and his daughter Coco -- have cameos in the new Dinosaur, Jr. clip for "Been There All The Time."

PETER CASE is finishing his first record of new material in five years.  Titled Let Us Now Praise Sleepy John, it's his first album for Yep Roc, and includes a duet between Case and Richard Thompson.

MICK JONES, TOPPER HEADON and BILLY BRAGG are among those signed on to appear at the Joe Strummer tribute concert, "Arms Aloft in Acton Town," scheduled for November 15th in London.

GUITAR HERO THRASHERS:  FHM has embedded video of their Top Ten wailers on the popular videogame.

MY OLD KENTUCKY BLOG is streaming more SIRIUS Blog Radio tracks, this time from Josh Rouse and David Vandervelde.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE:  The Daily Mail writes that stunning, previously unseen photographs of the supposedly sober supermodel now up for auction show that hooking up with the troubled singer has taken away her looks.

THE McCARTNEYS:  Heather Mills took her first tumble this week on Dancing With The Stars; she managed to laugh it off and, more importantly, still impressed the judges.  Embedded video at the link.

RICHARD GERE and SHILPA SHETTY are now the subject of judicial complaints accusing them of indulging in an 'obscene act' during an AIDS awareness program held in Delhi, India.  And thanks to the Interweb, we now have video of their hug and kiss.

BRITNEY SPEARS reportedly fired her manager of several months, Larry Rudolph, and re-hired her one-time PR flack, Leslie Sloane Zelnik.

SPIDER-MAN director Sam Raimi is seriously interested in directing The Hobbit, a choice that could potentially leave Spidey 4 without a director - and potentially without lead actors.  Or it could be that with Spider-Man 3 coming out in a few weeks, ol' Sam is drumming up PR or increasing his bargaining position (iirc, most of the original Spidey contracts were three-pic deals).

THE HULK is getting a sequel with Edward Norton to play Bruce Banner.  You won't like Ed's hair when it gets angry!  The Incredible Hulk is set for a June 13, 2008 opening, directed by Louis Leterrier (Transporter 2, Unleashed).

McGOSLING BREAK-UP WATCH:  I largely dismissed this as a joke yesterday, but now a there's a second story claiming that Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are on "a break, not a breakup,"  but that the pair are both miserable without each other.  McAdams' rep calls the story "completely false."

LINDSAY LOHAN: Former publicist  Jonathan Jaxson said on his blog that Li-Lo is allegedly getting down with her new BFF, DJ Samantha Ronson.

JOHN TRAVOLTA says he is as big as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe... and he's not referring to his weight, which would be a more credible claim).  No, he is claiming he escaped their untimely fates due to the wonders of Scientology.

HARRISON FORD and CALISTA FLOCKHART are finally headed for the altar.  Hey, when you're already dressing alike, what's left?  UPDATE: Reps for both deny the story.

BRADGELINA:  Jolie's animosity toward her dad, Jon Voight, might have something to do with a rumored  180 grand in unpaid spousal payments.

WILL FERRELL, icydk, has gotten into the viral video biz with longtime collaborator Adam McKay.  They have posted a video of their own to get the ball rolling.  McKay talked to the L.A. Times about working with his two-year-old daughter.

SPANISH TERROR TRIAL:  Reuters headlined their story "Spain al Qaeda man says 2004 bombs were due to Iraq," but the story actually reports that he said he did not know the suspects accused of planning the Madrid train bombings.  The speaker in the video claiming responsibility for the attack said it was revenge for the involvement of Spanish troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.  At the start of the trial, investigators argued that planning for the bombings began long before the Iraq war and were related more to exhortations from bin Laden to revive Al-Andalus, as Spain's Muslim kingdom was known in the Middle Ages.  As noted here last week, a new al-Qaeda-linked organization again called for the reconquest of Spain.  And since the Madrid bombings, at last three major terror plots have been thwarted in Spain.

IRAQ:  Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki looks set to buck the sectarian quota system and select non-partisan independents to replace the withdrawn Sadrist ministers.  ITM's Omar Fadhil suspects that the Sadrists withdrew to go into total opposition and escape political responsibility for the faults of the current gov't.  PM al-Maliki revealed that his government is conducting discussions with armed groups in the country, and that there is an opportunity for reconciliation through the conference on Iraq which will be convened in the Egyptian town of Sharm al-Shaykh this next month.  Ramadi has stabilized as thousands of police -- some believed to be former insurgents and most loyal to local sheiks -- have poured into the once-lawless city.  The leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq tried to patch up rifts with Sunni insurgent groups in an audiotape released Tuesday.

KNUT UPDATE:  The Berlin Zoo reassured alarmed fans on Tuesday that the polar bear cub is back on his paws after he had been feeling so poorly that worried vets had cut short Monday's public viewing and taken him back to his cage.  "It was only toothache," said a spokeswoman for the zoo.

A SUICIDE SQUIRREL takes down the grid in Great Falls, Montana, but the locals remain defiant in the face of the squirrel threat.

A RAMPAGING HARE had to be shot after attacking an elderly couple and the Vienna police:  " I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? "

...AND THERE WERE RABBITS all over the highway...

MR. PEEPERS, a duck, survives a hit-and-run by a getaway car in in Snohomish County, Washington.

OF MONTREAL PLAYED KARAOKE at NYC's Studio B for a party sponsored by New York magazine.  Actor Paul Rudd and actor-director David Wain show how hard it is to sing Boston's classic "More Than A Feeling."  Stereogum contest winner Griffin Walker tried his hand at Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'."  Remember, kids -- before the Internet, you would have missed this. (Photo: Pavlunka.)

SITE NEWS:  Barring a disaster, Pate will serve its three millionth page today.  Thanks to everyone for stopping by, including new site member (and former KUSR jock) Terry Nielsen!

NEW RELEASES:  Joseph Arthur, the Smithereens, the Noisettes, Nine Inch Nails, the Hold Steady and more are streaming in full this week via Spinner.  Elk City, featuring the vocal talents of Renée LoBue, releases New Believers.  The Shaky Hands release a self-titled debut album, with Mary-Anne nowhere to be found.  The alt-country-esque Dolly Varden release The Panic Bell.

WILCO:  Billboard interviews frontman Jeff Tweedy about the writing and recording the band's upcoming album in the "Wilco loft" in Chicago's Irving Park.  A free download that comes along with pre-orders of Wilco's Sky Blue Sky shows the band playing "Hate It Here" in the loft.

FOUNTAINS of WAYNE:  Adam Schlesinger talks to PopMatters about the paradoxical nature of rock stardom: "If you take it seriously, you look like a jerk. But you have to take it seriously to do it well enough to keep doing it."  He also talks about the upsides and downsides of having a hit, which was a good excuse for PM to embed the "Stacy's Mom" video at the end of the article.

TWOFER TUESDAY:  I had to surf down under to find Wayne Fontana & the Mindbenders performing "The Game of Love" and "A Groovy Kind of Love."  The latter might even be semi-live.

ALL THINGS FEIST:  If you dug Leslie Feist's new video for "1 2 3 4" linked here yesterday, there's an unofficial blog that tracks... well, you know.

JOLIE HOLLAND has an interview and free songs posted at Daytrotter.  Holland reacts to the death of Kurt Vonnegut: "Knowing he envied musicians makes me try to appreciate being a musician more.  I hope he's in that version of heaven that he wrote about, where everyone is there, including Hitler, who just keeps apologizing."

PHIL SPECTOR:  Juury selection resumed in his murder trial, with lawyers questioning people individually about their knowledge of the hit producer and the late cult-movie actress, Lana Clarkson.

KICKING IT OLD SKOOL:  The last time I saw Jon Pratt, we discussed how the digital age has removed a lot of the tangible fun of being a music fan.  Design Observer has a piece on "a grim-faced resistance movement amongst dozens of tiny record labels determined to hang onto physical packaging and expressive cover art, no matter what."  NPR's Morning Edition has a stream on the resurgence in vinyl.

RICHARD GERE'S repeated kisses on the cheeks of actress Shilpa Shetty in an event to promote AIDS awareness sparked protests in India on Monday with demonstrators burning effigies of the actor.  The protesters said Gere's kissing of Shilpa was against Indian culture.

BRITNEY SPEARS may be kinda wacky, but she gave twelve times more to charity than Leo DiCaprio, whose PR image is one of social consciousness.

MADONNA desperately wants to become the female Bono and be taken as seriously as him.  She may want to start by letting the father of her adopted son know when she is coming for a visit.

McGOSLING:  Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, recently rumored to be planning secret summer nuptuals, have split up?  Sounds more like Gosling was pulling some paparazzi's leg.

THE ODD COUPLE:  At least, that's what I would call Ann Coulter and Jimmy "Dyn-O-Mite" Walker.

EVA LONGORIA:  The Desperate Housewife is "not averse to being tied up" in bed.  PopSugar has pics from Longoria's wedding shower -- including a toiletpaper-draped Teri Hatcher.  No bondage pics, though.

MARILYN MANSON-DITA VON TEESE BREAK-UPDATE:  The goth rocker is officially calling 19-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood his girlfiriend, not to mention his "double" and his "twin."

ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS STILL DEAD, and her diaries failed to sell at an auction this weekend, but are now available for a minimum bid of $25,000 each.  You can almost hear the 15-minute-clock tolling.

NICOLE KIDMAN received her Order of Australia from Governor-General Michael Jeffery in a ceremony at Government House in Canberra last weekend:  "I think the great thing about you, Ms Kidman, is what have you have done to better the human condition," the Governor-General said.

SAHARA:  Confidential docs obtained by the L.A. Times from dueling lawsuits over the movie's projected $78.3 million loss provide a rare behind-the-curtain peek at expenditures that drain the budget of a major motion picture. The line items cover such things as "local bribes" within the Kingdom of Morocco and the salaries and "star perks" paid to Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz -- including  $150,223 for McConaughey's makeup artist, $48,893 for his personal chef, $67,977 for his personal trainer, and $179,262 for conveyance of his entourage to, from, and around Morocco.  $162,554 was spent on Cruz's hairstylist, $150,922 for her dialogue coach.

BRADGELINA:  A fairly detailed look at the state of the Pitt-Jolie partnership in the Daily Mail leads with a blunt quote from Pitt on living under the glare of intense public scrutiny: "It's hell. Certainly, pick on me - but why pick on Angelina? That's so low. She's such an amazing woman - like Supergirl, in every way."

GO, CYCLONES!  Iowa State's nationally ranked paintball team is going to the College Paintball National Championships to be held April 20-22 in Dallas. Currently No. 14 in the national rankings, Iowa State is playing its best paintball of the year as the nationals approach. (Thanks, Ken!)

ISLAMISM in the TWIN CITIES:  On an 11-0 vote Monday, the Metropolitan Airports Commission voted to crack down on Muslim taxi drivers refusing service to alcohol-toting riders.  Both sides agree that the dispute is probably heading for a court challenge, even though Ahmed Samatar, a recognized expert on Somali society at Macalester College in St. Paul, notes that "There is a general Islamic prohibition against drinking, but carrying alcohol for people in commercial enterprise has never been forbidden."

IRAQ:  The withdrawal of six Sadrist ministers from the cabinet may mark a new shift in Iraqi politics, from rigid sectarian alliances that act as a single "bloc" to a more diversified system with a less predictable dynamic.  Combined US and Iraqi raids inside Baghdad captured 129 insurgents and uncovered two bomb factories over the weekend.  The Interior Ministry claims that Iraqi security forces, with the help of the Anbar Salvation Council, killed the leader of the "Islamic State in Fallujah" and Al-Qaeda's military coordinator in Anbar province.  Almost a full brigade of between 2,000 and 3,000 additional soldiers is on the way to Diyala to interdict the volatile terrain between Baghdad and Baqubah, where things have not gone well for Coalition forces.  A rumor is circulating that some tribal leaders in the Diwaniya area may have called for the US to intervene in the area after they were unable to respond to the actions of the Mahdi Army.  Thousands of Iraqis upset about poor city services marched peacefully through the streets of Basra on Monday.

IRAQ and TURKEY:  Although the northern, Kurdish region of Iraq is better off than the rest of Iraq, there have been renewed tensions between the Iraqi Kurds and Turkey (which has its own Kurdish population and suspicion of ambitions to create Kurdistan).  Given that Turkey's election season has included a huge demonstration of Turkey's middle classes against Erdoğan's presidency as the embodiment of the "looming Islamic threat," the Kurds need to be playing it cool.  Der Spiegel has more on Istanbul as the Islamic world's most secular city.

GOO GOO GOO JOOB:  There's a reason why the walrus is making his O-face, and it is probably NSFW.

A GERMAN DOG drove the neighbors nuts by blasting His Master's Stereo until the Berlin Police cut power to the home.

PET HOARDING:  A Central Florida man was arrested on animal cruelty charges after officials said they discovered as many as 300 cats -- dead and alive -- inside his house with a layer of animal feces between two and three inches deep.  Photos and video at the link.

DOLPHINS and SEA LIONS may be the US Navy's best defense against terrorists in scuba gear.

SHARK RESCUE, with a TWIST:  Divers carrying out a marine wildlife survey rescued a basking shark that was close to death after it had become entangled in a fishing net about 100 metres off the Cornish coast.  Environmentalists suspect global warming.

THE STOOGES were in town last night; going to the show was of course "My Idea of Fun."  They played the Congress Theater, which was just perfect -- the decaying palace still sells cans of beer, allows smoking, moshing and crowd surfing.  At 60 years old, Iggy Pop shook, shimmied, swiveled and spun across the stage almost continuously through the set, when he wasn't leaping atop the Marshall stacks to mock-fornicate the amp heads or doing some stage diving of his own (the first instance being during "I Wanna Be Your Dog," which was only the third song of the set). Mick Jagger wishes he had half the prance left in him that Iggy had on display.  It was truly a sonic blitzkrieg; my only nitpick would be my wish to have heard stuff like "Search and Destroy" from Raw Power.  Now on to the clips, most all of which contain profanity (as did our show).  Here they are playing "ATM" from the new album on French TV.  From the back catalog, we have "1969," followed by "1970," natch.  Plus, we have yet another instance of the crowd mobbing the stage for "No Fun" -- a stunt repeated last night in Chicago,as the song became a raucous shout-along.

SONIC YOUTH is touring Japan this week, so Lee Renaldo was talking to the Japan Times about the band's history and preparing to play Daydream Nation at the Pitchfork fest this summer, while Thurston Moore talked to the Daily Yomiuri about the No Wave documentary Kill Your Idols (which is already on DVD here) and the No Wave movement generally.

ILLINOIS is actually from Pennsylvania, which puts them near the World Cafe; you can stream their set from Friday now, via NPR.  Their EP "blends pianos, banjos and Moog synths into guitar, drums and bass to create a unique, laidback sound."

CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH frontman Alec Ounsworth tells the Cornell Sun how he came to be working on a children's album... but given the tenor of his other comments, I would take it with a grain of salt.

M WARD has been opening for folks on the East Coast, so he talked to the Hartford Courant about music as time travel and tells the Boston Herald: "I have a dream job, so I might as well work as hard as I can."

FEIST runs through her resume for the Times of London, including her stint backing up Peaches as an X-rated rapping sock puppet, B*tch Lap Lap.  It's a good excuse -- if any was needed -- to link her fab new video for "1 2 3 4" from her new album, The Reminder.  Leslie Feist even talks about the video at the start of the profile she got in Sunday's NYT: "I'm going to be carried around on the shoulders of 50 people, like Madonna in ‘Material Girl,' only minus the pearls and the back muscles."  The NYT article also has a podcast.

MY OLD KENTUCKY BLOG is streaming a ton of live tracks from Dodge's SIRIUS Blog Radio sessions.  The latest is from the unsigned Mancino, but the link will also take you to sessions from The Broken West , Catfish Haven, Margot & the Nuclera So & Sos, and more...

GIVE THE DRUMMER SOME:  Jon Wurster, who has sat on the throne with Superchunk, Robert Pollard, Ryan Adams and more, shuffles his iPod for the A.V. Club, but my fave bit is his story about getting Blue Öyster Cult's drummer to autograph a cowbell for a wedding present, because... well, you know.

NOW That's What I Call Indie Music, according to Billboard.

DON HO is dead at 76.  You have to figure Don Imus is pretty angry about the timing.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE:  The Daily Mail has the dark side of the troubled singer's solo gigs at the Hackney Empire in London: "All the scabrous signs of his drug-based decadence were on show: weeping sores, bleeding nostrils, cracked lips. Pete Doherty almost had to prise open his mouth to sing..."  Top it off with an afterparty pic of the supposed sober supermodel being dangled upside-down from a second-story window, Jacko-style.

BRITNEY SPEARS used the paparazzi at X17 to deliver a video rant against the media, her management, and rehab, which starts at the link, but has three more parts. UPDATE: Part Four.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: Disturbia topped the box office with a  million take -- about double of what analysts had projected.   Blades of Glory and Meet the Robinsons each dropped a slot , bring in $14 and $12 million, respectively.  Perfect Stranger opened in fourth with $11.5 million.  Are We Done Yet? dropped 35% to fifth place, making $9.2 million. Pathfinder opened in sixth place, with $4.8 million, with the Top Ten rounded out by a close bunching of Wild Hogs, The Reaping, 300, and Grindhouse (which dropped 63% and must have the bomb stink on it).  Redline debuted in 11th; Aqua Teen Hunger Force opened in 13th place, though the latter was in the top five on a per screen basis.

MADONNA reportedly "set her heart" on adopting a Malawian tot Grace after watching video footage of her playing in an orphanage, but the orphanage is going slowly after Madge's last adoption debacle.

PENELOPE CRUZ wants to have kids of her own - but she also hopes to adopt.  Well, of course... at this point it would be simpler to report on celebs who do not want to adopt.

PRINCE WILLIAM reportedly has split with galpal Kate Middleton; royal pals claim the romance was doomed when he decided to put Army life first.

THE MOST EXPENSIVE CELEB DIVORCES, according to Forbes magazine, complete with sidebars like "Celebrity Annulments."  Number Two on the main list may shock you.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON is still struggling with monogamy.

NATALIE PORTMAN wouldn't mind embarking on a lesbian relationship, for the simple reason that she doesn't want to disconnect herself from half of the world population -- a theory exponded in Kevin Smith's Chasing Amy.  As she just shot The Other Boleyn Girl with Scarlett Johansson, how could she not fanatasize?

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY and LINDSAY LOHAN will set screens alight when they film a steamy threesome for their new movie Best Time Of Our Lives, according to reports.  I think i reported this before, but it has popped up again, so how could I not repeat it to complete a trifecta?

THE McCARTNEYS:  The uber-reliable News of the World is claiming that Heather Mills once enjoyed a sex-for-cash foursome including an Arab prince and TV actress at the centre of the BAE slush fund scandal.

JENNIFER LOPEZ reportedly was sounding like a Scientologist during her guest stint as a mentor on American Idol.

GIRLS GONE WILD founder has allegedly been found with pills in his Florida jail cell -- and the reason he got caught is because he allegedly tried to bribe a guard for a bottle of water with a $100 bill.  He could be charged with the crime of introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony, and possession of a controlled substance.  Joe had a very bad week.

CHRISTINA RICCI is playing Trixie in the Wachowski Bros' live-action adaptation of the 1960s cartoon Speed Racer.  There are short video interviews with Ricci and Emile Hirsch on the Tube.

DENISE & HEATHER & RICHIE & CHARLIE & DAVID: Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora are officially divorced.

MIA FARROW pressures STEVEN SPIELBERG, who may get some action from China on the genocide in Darfur.

PAKISTAN:  Villagers in the North West Frontier Province raised a tribal army to clash with Taliban fighters last week after the terrorists beat up some transvestite dancers, shaved their heads and broken their musical instruments near Abdulkhel, as the dancers were headed to perform at a wedding.  No, really.

IRAN:  The Mullahs' nuclear ambitions have Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Turkey all exploring their nuke options.  Many diplomats and analysts say that the Sunni Arab governments are so anxious about Iran's nuclear progress that they would even, grudgingly, support a US military strike against Iran.  It is hard to guess how likely that would be -- the Iranian nuke bunkers may be very tough to strike effectively.

IRAQ:  Some panicked after the bombing at the Parliament building and a bridge, but later reports revised the death toll from the former down to one, noted that the Parliament bomber had been arrested before and that several bodyguards of parliament members and government officials are routinely detained on different charges and then later released after intervention by officials acting on their weight in the government.  Civilian deaths are down 45% in Baghdad since the start of the new security plan there two months ago, when compared to the two months prior.  Civilian deaths are up outside the city, but nationwide, civilian deaths are down 20% in the past two months.

ENDANGERED PYGMY RABBITS reintroduced into the wild in Washington state are being quickly eaten.  Only four of the 20 rabbits released on March 13th remained at the Sagebrush Flat Wildlife Area as of last Tuesday.

150 FERAL TERRAPINS which have been terrorizing wildlife are to be rounded up in Hampstead Heath, UK.  Blame the TMNT.

ILLEGAL BEAVER caught in the wild by staff from Edinburgh Zoo... and it's a male.

SNAKE will be tougher to eat when the Stockton, CA restaurant Taboo by the Delta closes its doors June 1st.  The eatery also serves gators, shark, frog legs and turtle.

A BABY OWL spent the night at the Crafton Hills College police station, but it was allowed to leave the next morning on its own recognizance.

THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

...with CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL!  Hard to believe that I have not featured Fogerty & Co. before, but here are live clips of "Travelin' Band," "Proud Mary," "Born on the Bayou" and "Green River."  You might also check out the synced clips for "Fortunate Son" (because the song is so good) and "Down on the Corner" (because the visuals are amusing).

WILCO frontman Jeff Tweedy talks sense on music-sharing and leaking with Australia's Courier-Mail, as well as tackling the myth that struggle or suffering must go with the creative process.  He also explains the title of the upcoming Sky Blue Sky album.

SON VOLT frontman Jay Farrar answers five questions from NOW! Toronto, starting with "What album or song changed your life?"

FOUNTAINS of WAYNE played the World Cafe yesterday, so you should be able to stream a mini-set (3 new tunes + "Joe Rey") from NPR now.  UPDATE:  Until that stream gets posted by NPR, you can stream a few from FoWSpace... or a lost soul gem from Bob & Gene that makes NPR's Song of the Day from Oliver Wang (of the Soul-Sides blog).

THE BEATLES catalog is a step closer to download, as Apple Corps Ltd, have settled a row over £30 million in royalties with EMI.

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS: John Linnell tells Billboard about the duo's next album, kids' DVD, and work on for an animated film based on Neil Gaiman's book Coraline.  Puts me in the mood for "Birdhouse In Your Soul."

THE SHINS pull off a daring daylight mission in the new video for "Australia."

MY HUMPS REDUX:  Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie sent Alanis Morissette a congratulatory cake in the shape of a derriere after the latter's satirical cover of "My Humps" became an onlinve video sensation.  The video is also embedded at the link, should you need to see it again.

THE LITTLE ONES play "Either/Or" with Drowned in Sound, including "Superpowers: invisibility or the power of flight?"  You can stream a few of their tunes at TheirSpace.

THE 25 UNDISPUTED GUILTY PLEASURE BANDS, according to Rolling Stone.  Craig O'Neill is going to feel so vindicated.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE:  Though the supposedly sober supermodel reportedly has been urged by fashion chiefs to dump the troubled singer, Doherty dedicated a song to Moss at the first of two solo sell-out shows at the Hackney Empire, calling her his "beautiful fiancee."  Moss also joined Doherty onstage for two numbers; pics at the second link.

THE CUTOUT BIN:  This Friday's fortuitous finds from the ol' HM include:  Chicago Cubs - Beautiful Day Montage; Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky; The Wonders - That Thing You Do; Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life; The Wombats - Backfire at the Disco; Art Brut - Pump Up The Volume; The Modern Lovers - I'm Straight; Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down); George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag; April March - Chick Habit; Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich - Hold Tight; Eddie Kendricks - Keep On Truckin' Pt1; Joe Tex - The Love You Save May Be Your Own; Morcheeba - Crystal Blue Persuasion; Janis Joplin - The Roller Skate Song; The Byrds - Everybody's Been Burned; T.Rex - T.Rex - Summertime Blues; Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love; and Randy Newman - Sail Away.

NOW SHOWING:  This week's wide releases at the local cineplex include the expanded release of Richard Gere in The Hoax, which is currently scoring 85 percent on the ol' Tomatometer; Bruce Willis and Halle Berry in the erotic thriller Perfect Stranger (18 percent); the Rear Window-inspired Disturbia (50 percent); an uncreened-for-critics Eurotrashy take on The Fast and the Furious called Redline; the largely-unscreened Viking raised by Native Americans in Pathfinder; the unscreened sounds-like-The-Usual-Suspects crime drama Slow Burn; and the big-screen arrival of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which is currently scoring 64 percent.So maybe, just maybe, Grindhouse has a second chance at a first impression.

DON IMUS got the ax from CBS Radio, following a week of uproar over the radio host's derogatory comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team.  Time Magazine once named the cantankerous broadcaster as one of the 25 Most Influential People in America, and he is a member of the National Broadcaster Hall of Fame.

MADONNA is headed back to Malawi for another child?  Her rep denies it: "Madonna is going to Africa to continue her work with the Raising Malawi organization. She is overseeing the building of a children's health-care center. She is absolutely not adopting another baby."

LEO DiCAPRIO and BAR RAFAELI having a kid and quick wedding this summer?   DiCaprio's rep says the preganancy rumor "totally b.s." and "100 percent made up bollocks."  Which suggests that DiCaprio's rep is European or a fan of the Sex Pistols.

COURTNEY LOVE is still publicly insisting her new figure is due to diet and exercise, but the rumor now is about gastric band surgery.

REESE & RYAN BREAK-UPDATE:  Reese Witherspoon's nascent romance with Jake Gyllenhaal is the real thing, friends say.  And witness tells People magazine that the pair were... yes, caught canoodling during dinner at L.A's Il Sole restaurant.

JACKO may finally be getting rid of Neverland for something closer to $20 million than the $50 million original asking price.  Jackson's rep denies the tacky ranch is for sale.

KURT VONNEGUT died on Wednesday at the age of 84 as a result of head injuries sustained in a fall at his home in New York last week.  The Financial Times gave an overview of his oeuvre.  Though best known for his novels, I was partial to some of his short stories, particularly "Harrison Bergeron."

DIANE KEATON:  I mentioned earlier that the Film Society of Lincoln Center was honoring her career; The Reeler recaps the event, complete with embedded video of Steve Martin plaing a song for her on the banjo.

THE "24" CREW liked being spoofed on South Park so much that they sent Matt Stone and Trey Parker their very own suitcase nuke.  Pics at the link.

BRADGELINA:  The latest revenge rumor from tabs ticked that Jolie is cozy with People magazine is that when Jolie returned from Vietnam with Pax Thien she suddenly stopped showering Shiloh with attention -- and that Pitt is upset about it.

SPAIN:  The emergence of a new al-Qaeda-linked organization in Northern Africa is alarming Spain, which is concerned about Islamists' calls for the reconquest of the country they regard as a lost part of the Muslim world.  Pulling out of Iraq doesn't seem to have appeased the radicals who are still angry about the Christian Reconquest in 1492.  Who'da thunkit?

IRAQ:  As you probably heard, a suicide bomber killed eight people (including two lawmakers) at the Iraqi parliament building.  If you haven't seen it, there is video from al-Hurra.  Pajamas Media's Richard Miniter was in the building and files a report.  Time magazine reports that the bomber was a guard for one of the members of parliament and that the metal detectors at the entrance to the Baghdad Convention Center, where Parliament is housed, were not operating Thursday,  IraqSlogger looks at security around the Green Zone, noting that while American troops control the entrances to the Green Zone, Iraqis control the entrance to the parliament building.  ITM's Omar Fadhil reports local reaction that if anyone is to blame, it's the members of parliament themselves, who are famous for complaining about "security measures" in the Green Zone being "insulting" to them and to Iraq's sovereignty.  AP Iraq bureau chief Steven R. Hurst files a report claiming that the bombing raises questions about the "surge," though he does not quote a single source to back this up.  The piece is labeled "news analysis" at MSNBC, but it is not labeled as opinion in most media as I write this.  Though it looks like security could be tightened at the GZ checkpoints, the claim that the "surge" is supposed to stop an inside job by a legislator's bodyguard seems a bit weak.  A better criticism would be to look at what -- if anything -- the inside job says about the strength of the fledgling democracy there.

IRAQ II:  One of Iraq's main armed groups -- the Islamic Army in Iraq -- has confirmed a split with al-Qaeda.  Michael Yon is now embedded with British troops in Basra; his latest dispatch takes us inside Operation Arezzo, part of three simultaneous strike and arrest operations in the al Quibla district of the city.  Plenty of battle pics there also.  Patrick J. Lasswell is blogging from the relatively peaceful north, and has pics and video from the Souk in Suliamaniya.

FRIDAY THE 13TH is an apt time for a story about a crocodile removing a zookeeper's arm. Dramatic arm-rescuing video at the link, in Real and Windows formats.  (Thanks, Lance.)

AN ANTEATER attacked a young zookeeper in Argentina, ripping open the woman's abdomen and legs with its long claws and leaving her in critical condition.  No Sadly, nramatic rescue video at the link.

T-REX proteins have been decoded by researchers at North Carolina State University and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston.  Theme park to follow.

THREE GREYHOUNDS were the first to donate to Britain's first blood bank for pets.

A CONFUSED COCKATOO at the Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary has spent a fortnight trying to hatch a bowl of chocolate eggs.  Obviously, it can only be done by a marshmallow Peep.