THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

(via DarkroomDemons)

...with WILCO at LOLLAPALOOZA!  Last weekend's set has found its way online -- Misunderstood, I Am Trying To Break Your Heart, You Are My Face, Impossible Germany, It's Just That Simple, Handshake Drugs, Pot Kettle Black, One Wing, Spiders, A Shot In The Arm, Jesus Etc., Hate It Here, Can't Stand It, Walken, and Monday/ Outtasite (Outta Mind).  On the last four clips, Tweedy & Co. are backed by the Total Pros on horns.

SIR PAUL McCARTNEY and his new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell, are cruising historic Route 66, having been spotted in Clear Lake and Joliet, IL.

BRITISH SEA POWER stopped by the World Cafe for a chat and mini-set you can stream on demand via NPR.

THE TING TINGS talk to Metromix about their second chance at pop, which Jules De Martino describes this way: "The kind of people we are, we're just happy to be having a good evening and paying our rent. When we were getting emails from (Columbia Records president) Rick Rubin, we thought it was our friends making jokes. It just felt so surreal..."

BEN FOLDS & REGINA SPEKTOR duet on "You Don't Know Me," an original track from the upcomung Folds album, Way to Normal.

GHOSTY, from Lawrence KS, does the four free songs thing for Daytrotter, three previously unreleased.

AGAINST ME's video for "New Wave" pays obvious homage to The Replacements.

NME's 25 BANDS MAKING AMERICA COOL AGAIN, reprinted at Stereogum. Regular Pate visitors will recognize most, if not all of them.

THE HOLD STEADY: Craig Finn tells IGN about his voice coaching and tells The Quietus all about touring.

PORTISHEAD: Adrian Utley and Geoff Barrow have picked a number of their favorite Tube clips... which they discuss on the Tube.

CUTOUT BIN: From Chuck Berry to 10cc, from Sonic Youth to the Beach Boys, from Wire to the Cardigans, from Big Star to Travis to Pilot and more -- this Friday's fortuitous finds can be jukeboxed or streamed separately via the Pate page at the ol' HM.

NOW SHOWING: This weekend's wide releases are the stoner action comedy Pineapple Express, currently scoring 69 percent on the ol' Tomatometer, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, which is scoring 64 percent.  Both actually opened Wednesday, and I missed it.  My only excuse is that I had some cleanup to do after a big storm earlier this week.

BRITNEY SPEARS, contrary to recent reports, will not play a killer lesbian stripper in Quentin Tarantino's remake of the 1965 cult film Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!  The silver lining is that we got two days of talking about killer lesbian strippers out of it.

SHIA LeBEOUF, who sustained a seriously mangled mitt in a rollover accident, is not in danger of losing any of his digits, E! News has confirmed.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON says she's eager to become an honorary Canadian by marrying Canadian-born actor Ryan Reynolds - and hopefully pass through the border quickly from now on.

LINDSAY LOHAN & SAMANTHA RONSON got matching black heart tattoos. NTTAWWT.

NICOLE KIDMAN & KEITH URBAN talk about the joys of parenthood on TV down under.  Apparently, their dughter looks like Urban.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.: Rolling Stone excerpts its profile and interview of the actor who may have triumphed over his demons, yet still seems more than a bit wacky.

MORGAN FREEMAN was released from a Tennessee hospital - and says he is glad to be on the upswing.

SIENNA MILLER's pals say the gorggeous actress is no home wrecker - and she never would have gone near her new love, Balthazar Getty, if he was still with his wife, Rosetta.

ALEC BALDWIN: These days, just about everything -- music, politics, the Internet -- interests him. Except acting.  Maybe that's why he's been doing some of his best work recently.

JOSS STONE amazingly headbutted her brother as a family baptism descended into an ugly brawl.  She blew her chance to be godmother, but settled some family business.

BERNIE MAC hospitalized for pneumonia since the beginning of the month, continues to recover, a rep for the actor-comedian said Thursday.

WATCHMEN: Non-geeks may not know what a big deal the film adaptation coming in 2009 is; this ReelTalk clip from the big Comic-Con in San Diego, featuring interviews with the cast and crew, sorta explains why comicdom is equal parts joy and fear over the project.

LIL' KIM B-DAY PARTY SLAYING: The body of a 24-year-old woman who attended a birthday party for the rapper Lil' Kim on Sunday was found Wednesday on the roof of the Midtown karaoke club where the party was held, NYC police said.  A bar employee has been charged in the case.

ERIC "DIGGER" DOWLING, who forged passports, made maps and helped to dig the one tunnel that the Germans did not discover before the Great Escape from Stalag Luft III, has died, aged 92.

AL QAEDA'S NUCLEAR STRATEGY is debated at NPR.

IRAN: Israel is building up its strike capabilities amid growing anxiety over Iran's nuclear ambitions and appears confident that a military attack would cripple Tehran's atomic program, even if it can't destroy it. The Kuwait Times reported on Thursday that two more US aircraft carriers are headed for the Persian Gulf. The paper did not say which two carriers they are and the US Navy refused to confirm or deny the report.

IRAQ and the US are reportedly nearing agreement on a security pact that -- conditions permitting -- would have most US combat troops out by 2010, with a residual force in place through 2013.  Those dates may be doable if current trends continue. More good news from Samarrah -- hundreds of Muslim worshippers on Wednesday visited a revered Shiite shrine in northern Iraq that is being rebuilt after a deadly bomb blast which triggered bitter sectarian bloodshed.

HECTOR, a Great Dane, may think twice before swallowing a two-foot long stick again.

A MASSIVE CATFIGHT leads to boob bite, tetanus shot, five arrests.

BOOGER the pitbull -- and source of the cloned puppies noted here this week -- heroically saved his owner, who reportedly fled England after being charged in a bizarre sex crime case. Bernann McKinney denied she is that woman in the Times of London.

THE SQUIRREL THREAT: They lure house dogs into chasing them, setting up attacks by hungry hawks.

A WOMAN ON A DONKEY beat off a lion with a machete.  Yes, she had the machete.

FLEET FOXES made their network TV debut playing "Blue Ridge Mountains" for Dave.  And I think if he decides to hold up the album afterwards, that's a thumbs up.

LOS CAMPESINOS! played the World Cafe last week; you can stream the gig on demand via NPR.

THE NATIONAL: Scott Devendorf talks to ClickMusic about recording and which "classics" the band agrees on.

ALINA SIMONE talks to DC's Express about her sophomore album, devoted to covering the songs of Yanka Dyagileva.

THE TOP 20 ALBUMS OF ALL TIME, using an interesting formula that produces an unexpected No.1, courtesy of Yahoo! Music. Albums streamable at the link.

THE HOLD STEADY: Craig Finn talks about Led Zeppelin and The Replacements with Rolling Stone. The band plays a four song rooftop set for the latest edition of PitchforkTV's Don't Look Down series.

AIMEE MANN has plenty of interesting things to tell JamBase about songwriting and recording, like this: "Sometimes it reminds me of graphic art. You have to choose a couple of simple, arresting images and what words you have need to contain the essence of what you want to say. It's not a novel; it's only three-minutes that people are spending with you."

AMERICAN PRINCES do the four free songs thing for Daytrotter.

GOOGLE has launched a music search service in China that will give users access to free downloads of licensed songs, while capturing advertising revenue for music providers in a market rife with piracy.

PITCHFORK GIVES MUSIC 6.8, according to The Onion.

JENNIFER ANISTON's rep is denying reports that Ansiton is planning a low-key wedding with John Mayer this fall and is going to have Mayer's baby.  So what about her reported demand that Mayer move in with her?

BRITNEY SPEARS is being lined up to play a killer lesbian stripper in a Quentin Tarantino remake of the 1965 cult film Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!  The NYPost had previously tipped pr0n starlet Tera Patrick for the Role.

QUENTIN TARANTINO, meanwhile, seems to still be moving ahead with the WWII flick, Inglourious Basterds, castin director (and pal) Eli Roth as a baseball bat-swinging Nazi hunter.

MORGAN FREEMAN's attorney and business partner tells Access Hollywood that the actor and his wife of 24-years are getting a divorce.

HEATH LEDGER: Mary-Kate Olsen was to be compelled to testify in front of a grand jury in the Drug Enforcement Agency investigation into determine where Ledger obtained the prescription medications that led to a fatal drug interaction.  But the feds have now closed the case, letting the twin off the hook.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON is blaming "extreme sexism" for the hoopla made over her comments that she had an e-mail relationship with Barack Obama, claiming that people would not care if it was George Clooney. But Entertainment Tonight notices when George Clooney plans a fundraiser for Obama.  The difference is not that ScarJo is a woman, but that she is teh hawtness, something which also seems to have some upside for her, careerwise.

LISA MARIE PRESLEY is expecting twins.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS & SPIKE JONZE go bicoastal.

OPRAH WINFREY: Her ratings and magazine circulation may be in decline, but she still made 385 million last year.

JOSS STONE is joining the cast of Showtime's drama "The Tudors" for its upcoming third season.

EVA MENDES is too sexy for US TV in her new ad for Calvin Klein.  Which only makes me want to watch it.

THE SHIRE goes into foreclosure: hobbits hardest hit.

WEINERMOBILES go bite-size to celebrate Oscar Mayer's 125th anniversary this year and to help introduce the company's new "snack-sized" hot dogs product; it wasn't created in response to high gas prices.

AFGHANISTAN: The Long War Journal maps the rising violence as the Taliban seeks to destabilize and de-legitimize the weak Afghan government and break NATO's will to fight a protracted counterinsurgency campaign.

IRAQ: The NYT interviews Iraqi soldiers. The army has made huge leaps forward, most of the soldiers agreed, and can hold its own in battles with the insurgency with little or no American support. But almost all said the time when the Iraqi Army can stand alone as a national defense force is still years away. Iraqi leaders postponed the ceremony marking the handover of Anbar province due to fear that Americans would pull out of the region too soon to focus elsewhere. TIME magazine covers reconciliation in Samarra, where the bombing of a holy shrine in February 2006 sparked a spiral of sectarian violence nationwide.

GOATS managed to do what terrorists wished they could: They sneaked under a fence onto a restricted area near the base of the Verrazano Bridge in NY without triggering alarms. The animals didn't get through a more formidable second line of defense about 10 feet away.  They are employed by the National Park Service to clear weeds from Ft. Wadsworth, for which there is video.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: A pig with five legs.

A POSSIBLY POISONED SEA LION made itself at home on a family sailboat - twice.

HENRY the TUATARA is to become a father at the age of 111.  His mate Mildred won't give her exact age, but is reportedly a spry 70-80 years old.

A RANDY BADGER sparked a police manhunt for a sex attacker when his howls of passion were mistaken for a woman screaming.

WILCO led the crowd at the Friendly Confines through "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" when the Pirates came to town August 3rd.  Also, Jeff Tweedy talks Lollapalooza when play resumes.

CONOR OBERST of Bright Eyes is streaming his new album at his website.  He gives a trak-by-track review to the MTV.

THE TING TINGS stopped by The Current for a chat and mini-set you can stream on demand via MPR.

THE WALKMEN do the four free songs thing for Daytrotter -- all songs previously unreleased.

RANDY NEWMAN played an intimate gig at the Largo in Los Angeles on July 23, now streaming on demand via NPR.  He is also the Guest DJ on the latest installment of All Songs Considered.

BEN FOLDS employs primitive animation for "Hiroshima," the first clip from his upcoming Way to Normal album.

THE STOOGES wuz robbed! Outside a hotel in Quebec, as it turns out.

SHEARWATER frontman Jonathan Meiburg is interviewed by... Scientific American? (Thx, LHB.)

GEORGIE JAMES splits. Bummer.

THE GERMS: Salon reviews the upcoming punk biopic, What We Do Is Secret.

MORGAN FREEMAN is doing well after surgery to reconnect nerves and repair damage in his left arm and hand resulting from his one-car accident in Mississippi.  The Daily Mail has a photo of the crash scene.

LINDSAY LOHAN & SAMANTHA RONSON were very affectionate and touchy-feely in Chicago.  The couple then hung with the Ronson clan in Miami.  Lohan's ex-con dad wants her to be happy, but does not expect to be asked to walk her down the aisle.

THE McCARTNEYS:  Sir Paul has written a song about his relationship with Heather Mills. It's being spun as a tender love song, but that seems only partially correct.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY had a few before her audition to play Eliza Doolittle in the upcoming movie remake of My Fair Lady.

JESSICA SIMPSON uses a webcam to transmit red-hot strip routines to Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo to keep alive their romance while they are apart.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON & PENELOPE CRUZ say kissing each other in Woody Allen's new comedy Vicky Cristina Barcelona wasn't all that sexy.  Someone needs to learn a little about marketing.

AN ACCUSED AL QAEDA SLEEPER AGENT was flown to New York on Monday night to face charges of attempting to kill US military and FBI personnel in Afghanistan.

IRAN: A government-linked youth organisation says that 55 percent, or 12 million Iranian young people access hard or soft pr0n websites daily in Iran.

THE US ARMY, with help from Gen. David Petraeus, is finally promoting the right people as one-star generals, according to Slate's Fred Kaplan.  One of the new Generals, Sean MacFarland, was commander of the unit that brought order to Ramadi -- and you can download a report he co-authored about the Army's role in the Anbara Awakening and the "surge."

IRAQ: More than 375 insurgents and al Qaeda operatives have been captured during the first week of Operation Omens of Prosperity in Diyala province. Six senior al Qaeda in Iraqi leaders in the province have been captured during the province-wide operation. Gunmen killed a senior leader of the awakening council in Youssifiyah, south of Baghdad. Soaring oil prices will leave the Iraqi government with a cumulative budget surplus of as much as 79 billion dollars by year's end, according to an American federal oversight agency.

BOOGER, the heroic pitbull, lives on through five cloned puppies.

NAPOLEON, a two year old white English Bulldog, rescued a sack of kittens from a lake in Michigan. Awww...some.

ELLA, an abandoned sea lion, took her first swimming lessons at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom's Sea Lion Stadium pool Friday with the help of a trainer. Awww...some slideshow at the link.

THE SWARM: He had to torch the garage to save it.

GORILLA PARADISE DISCOVERED in the Congo. The findings, if confirmed, would more than double the world's estimated population of this great ape subspecies, which is classified as critically endangered by the International Union for Conservation of Nature

DUFFY has a brand new, evocative video for "Stepping Stone" from her brill Rockferry album.

NEW RELEASES: Elvis Presley, Randy Newman, Sarah McLachlan, Oxford Collapse and Marching Band are among the albums streaming in full via Spinner this week.

DAVID BYRNE & BRIAN ENO have posted "Strange Overtones," a song from their upcoming album at the website for Everything That Happens Will Happen Today.  Byrne is taking a word-of-web approach to letting people know.

KEANE is giving away a new song titled "Spiralling" via their website this week.

GARY GLITTER, put behind bars in March 2006 for molesting two underage girls, is set to be released from jail in Vietnam on August 19.

SMITH's soulful version of the Bacharach-Dixon-David classic, "Baby, It's You" should be well-known to those beyond fans of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof, so I'm doing my part.  If I toss in April March's english version of "Chick Habit," I have Twofer Tuesday.  If I add in the France Gall original of "laisse tomber les filles," it's like Twofer Tuesday, but it's one more.

FLEET FOXES singer Robin Pecknold talks to Exclaim! about songwriting and the evolution of the band's vocal heavy style.

THE DUKE SPIRIT played the World Cafe on Friday; you can stream the gig on demand via NPR.

LYKKE LI is profiled in New York magazine.

THE LONG BLONDES guitarist Dorian Cox was hospitalized and all dating members of the band have officially called it quits, which doesn't shop Chart Attack from asking bassist Reenie Hollis how things are going.

MORGAN FREEMAN was hospitalized in serious condition Monday after the car he was driving left a rural road in the Mississippi Delta and flipped several times. The actor "has a broken arm, broken elbow and minor shoulder damage, but is in good spirits," according to a statement from Freeman's publicist.

HEATH LEDGER: Pint-size actress Mary-Kate Olsen has refused to be interviewed by federal investigators probing the accidental drug death of her close friend Heath Ledger unless she receives immunity from prosecution, according to the NY Post.

BRADGELINA baby pics are surfacing online, for you cheaters.

GYLLENSPOON is denying the marriage rumors reported by the Daily Mail (and noted here yesterday).

GILLIAN ANDERSON is blaming The Dark Knight juggernaut for the box office flop of the new X-Files movie.

ANNE HATHAWAY: Nude and otherwise risque photos of the actress may have been seized in an FBI raid of her boyfriend's hidden storage space, according to the ever-reliable National Enquirer.

THE NEW NEW FACE: What female celebs are trying to look like.

MAD MEN: The 1960s-era AMC series is causing a stir in the fashion world this fall, with designers citing it as their muse and retailers stocking their shelves accordingly.

IRAN announced Monday that it has tested a new weapon capable of sinking ships nearly 200 miles away, and reiterated threats to close the strategic Strait of Hormuz at the mouth of the Persian Gulf if attacked. The US says that Iran has left the UN Security Council no choice but to increase sanctions on the Islamic Republic for ignoring demands that it halt sensitive nuclear activities.

IRAQ: Lawmakers rescheduled for today a vote on a provincial election law, after reaching a tentative compromise on Monday that may resolve a stalemate over the fate of the oil-rich city of Kirkuk.  Muqtada al-Sadr intends to disarm his once-dominant Mahdi Army militia and remake it as a social-services organization. With violence subsiding throughout Baghdad, residents said that sectarianism is becoming less pervasive, including among the Iraqi Army. Stars & Stripes covers the military transition teams that are training the Iraqi army to stand on its own.  At the long War Journal, DJ Elliot looks at the Iraqi government's plans to purchase almost eleven billion dollars in weapons, equipment, and support services.

JARVIS the Jack Russell vanished after chasing a rabbit during a walk at Mount Edgcumbe on the Cornish side of Plymouth Sound but took the passenger ferry from Cremyll home.

DOGS disrupt last-minute Olympic training in Lithuania.

AN OX PENDANT is recommended for Olympians born in the Year of the Horse, because this is the Year of the Rat.  One can only imagine what would be recommended in the Year of the Cat.

COWS stare unamazed as Dutch dairy farmers pamper them with massages and comfy mattresses to produce better tasting milk.

THE WORLD'S UGLIEST DOLPHIN was revealed on Aussie TV.

WE ARE SCIENTISTS, with a new drummer and keyboards, play "After Hours" for Dave, appropriately enough.  This one sounds a bit like the Proclaimers.

SHE & HIM are profiled in the Mpls Star-Tribune.  You can stream their gig at the Newport Folk Festival on demand via NPR.

NEWPORT FOLK FEST:  Speaking of which, you can also stream sets from Jim James (of My Morning Jacket) and Steve Earle on demand via NPR.

WILCO tried out a new song, "One Wing," at Lollapalooza.

BRIGHT EYES: Conor Oberst discusses the music on his new self-titled album with... the Wall Street Journal?

BON IVER & BOWERBIRDS cover Sarah Siskind's "Lovin's for Fools" at the Bowery Ballroom, NYC, on July 29, 2008.

SUB POP TURNS 20: The Times of London takes notice.

JAMES HUNTER: The retro-sounding soul and R&B singer-guitarist gets a feature on NPR's Weekend Edition, along with an audio track.

JACK WHITE & ALICIA KEYS were chosen to record the latest Bond theme after Amy Winehouse pulled out.

THE HOLD STEADY are profiled in the Dallas Star-Telegram.

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE has been diagnosed with an early form of breast cancer.  Her rep added: "Christina is following the recommended treatment of her doctors and will have a full recovery."

BRADGELINA baby pics appear in People and Hello! magazines.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: The Dark Knight edges The Mummy to keep the top slot for a third weekend, making 43.8 million over 42.5 million, respectively.  Batman now seems unlikely to overtake Titanic as the all-time champ, but may yet beat out the original Star Wars for the number two spot.  In the meantime, TDK will pass 400 million no later than Tuesday, shattering the prior record held by Shrek 2.  Step Brothers drops to the third slot with 16.3 million, and has almost made back its production budget.  Mamma Mia! continues to show her legs, amking another 13.1 million; the ABBA-based musical is currently outpacing last summer's hit Hairspray. Journey to the Center of the Earth held in fifth place with 6.8 mill.  Swing Vote debuted a disappointing sixth with 6.3 mill.

HEATH LEDGER shouldn't get an Academy Award to memorialize his death, argues Eric Lucas at the L.A. Times.

LINDSAY LOHAN will come out and declare her eternal love for sweetheart Samantha Ronson at a private ceremony in LA later this year, according to the uber-reliable News of the World.  ABCNews is one of the first mainstream media outlets to note their close relationship.

GYLLENSPOON: Brokeback Mountain star Jake Gyllenhaal has told friends he and Reese Witherspoon plan to wed on or around his birthday on December 19 after he finishes his new film, Prince Of Persia.

NICK & NORA'S INFINITE PLAYLIST has a trailer online.  I have no idea whether this will be good, but the playlist is.

SIENNA MILLER is said to be ‘devastated' after her married lover ran home to his wife and four children.

BERNIE MAC: Despite dramatic rumors about the state of his health, the comic is still alive and being treated in a Chicago hospital for pneumonia and is expected to make a full recovery.

HEATHER MILLS is panicking over what her ex-publicist will reveal next, according to the uber-reliable News of the World.

AL QAEDA confirmed that one of its chemical weapons experts was killed last week along with three other "heroes" in a US airstrike Monday in Pakistan's tribal region, according to a statement posted on a radical Islamist Web site.

HAMAS has resumed its policy of shaving mustaches of political opponents to humiliate them, Fatah officials said Wednesday. (Thanks, Ken!)

IRAN ignored an informal Saturday deadline to respond to an offer by major powers on its nuclear program, a European Union official said, but European diplomats are ready to wait longer for an answer.  Of course they are, despite top Iranian officials already rejecting it informally.

IRAQ: Parliament failed on Sunday to pass a law on provincial elections, which has come unstuck over plans for the disputed northern city of Kirkuk and angered minority Kurds.  A US-Iraq security pact would set a goal -- but no timetable -- for the American units to leave, Iraqi officials say.  Michael R. Gordon has a lengthy look at Shiite infighting in yesterday's NYT magazine.

A GRIZZLY BEAR lumbered onto the 13th fairway the US Senior Open Championship in Colorado Springs on Friday while veterans, including Bernhard Langer and Tom Watson, were lining up their shots.

THE WORLD'S SMALLEST SNAKE, averaging just 10cm (4 inches) and as thin as a spaghetti noodle, has been discovered on the Caribbean island of Barbados.

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has told of her terror after a 4ft-long snake slid out of her toilet.

THE MONTAUK MONSTER: Gawker had the first photo, and is giving full coverage.

HEY, NICE BEAVER!  There was a beaver festival over the weekend, outside San Francisco (natch): "You're either a beaver lover or you're not a beaver lover," said local restrateur Ron Abel. "But it's brought in a lot of bathroom trade, I'll say that."