EVEN BETTER THAN THE REAL THING: Improv Everywhere stages its own rooftop U2 concert.

A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS emerge tonight from the "Where Are They Now?" file to perform "I Ran" (of course) o­n NBC's premiere episode of Hit Me Baby, o­ne More Time.

YOUR MENTAL SOUNDTRACK starts in childhood and is easily triggered. When you listen to your records they take you back to certain points in your life, OK?

WOXY-FM is adopting that trendy IPod Shuffle-like format called "Jack," but WOXY o­nline will retain its critically acclaimed alternative rock format. Whew!

DUNGEN is touring the U.S. in July, albeit limited to a few cities. The Pitchfork review gave a whopping 9.3 to the band's current release, Ta Det Lugnt. Did I mention that Dungen plays Swedish psych-metal? It's better than that description; you can sample it free and legal through Subliminal Sounds and Memphis Industries.

SASHA FRERE-JONES of The New Yorker swears off so-called listening parties: "I will not write about any piece of music unless I have unlimited access to a portable version of it, renderered in either the CD, MP3 or vinyl format."

KINGS OF CONVENIENCE are offering live downloads, along with a few studio rarities. Doc Loch will note a cover of Harry Nilsson's "Me and My Arrow." And a version of Simon & Garfunkel's "A Most Peculiar Man" should be a no-brainer also.

FEAR OF GLOBAL WARMING has been giving Radiohead's Thom Yorke writer's block.

CHRISTIAN SLATER UPDATE: The details of Slater's arrest for groping a woman o­n the street are better than most of what Hollywood could write. First, the woman allegedly groped is 52 years old. Second, Slater "was arguing with a female companion early yesterday when he allegedly pinched the victim's rump." Third, as he was arrested he was threatening to sue everyone involved. But the strippers at Scores will vouch for Slater's manners.

THE SEQUEL TO THE ITALIAN JOB will be The Brazilian Job. I predict another hit, if it features Charlize Theron getting waxed.

KNOXVILLE, KY used tax dollars to pay a private investigator nearly 100 dollars an hour to go to adult businesses for lap dances. It was part of an effort to force adult businesses to adhere to stricter regulations and the city says, in essence, it was money well spent.

YAHOO! seems to be making big bucks o­n chat rooms where men prey o­n young girls.

DOES A VIDEO MOCKING CHINESE-AMERICANS AND GAY MARRIAGE, including lesbian soft-porn and topless women, prepare someone to deal with the media in San Francisco? The San Francisco 49'ers thought so, but have now learned otherwise.

BRADGELINA UPDATE: Pitt and Jolie, while promoting their new movie, are resisting any personal questions. Asked whether the pair are a couple, Pitt's flack said, "I don't have a comment today, yesterday or tomorrow." ALSO: Ellen DeGeneres and girlfriend Portia de Rossi have bought "The Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston House" in Beverly Hills for a cool 20 million.

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD INSTITUTE, funded by Country Music Television (CMT), will pay Christopher Nelson 100 grand to watch and blog about reruns of the TV show. The contract does not include vacation time. "For $100,000 he'd better watch that show every night," said James Hitchcock, CMT's vice president for marketing.

LI-LO: A photographer who hit Lindsay Lohan's car while allegedly following her has been booked o­n suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

NAZI NUKES? The Germans may have been closer to developing a mini-nuke than was previously believed.

GOV. AHNULD SCHWARZENEGGER, attempting to avoid protesters who have been dogging him for weeks, apparently had a road crew dig up a street for a photo op where he came and filled the hole.

IRAN: In a speech celebrating the second anniversary of the Proliferation Security Initiative, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice disclosed that the U.S. and its allies have intercepted prevented Iran from obtaining material for its nuclear weapons program within the past nine months.

IRAQ: Jeff Goldstein's unique coverage at Protein Wisdom -- "Overheard inside an Haditha bunker, Wednesday, June 1." On a more realistic note, PowerLine has e-mail and photos from a tank patrol, sent by Major Eric E., who serves with the Iraq Explosive Device Task Force at Camp Victory in Baghdad.

TOM-KAT UPDATE: Extra TV reports that Cruise and Holmes are not officially engaged... yet. But Holmes is studying Scientology. Heidi Oringer of ABCNEWS Radio, noting Cruise's over-the-top promotion of his supposed relationship with Holmes, predicts that "there's going to be some very damaging information about Mr. Cruise that will be exposed in the very near future." I wonder what it could be?

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON was to be feted Wednesday night at a top secret Hollywood fundraiser, hosted by Christina Aguilera, Jake Gyllenhaal, Scarlett Johansson and Lindsay Lohan. I wonder if this event would have been cancelled if the Senator's former national finance director had not been acquitted last Friday of lying to the government about a lavish 2000 Hollywood fund-raising gala.

LIST-O-MANIA: Prof. Ann Althouse blogs our love for lists and posts a classic list so good that I won't spoil it, save to say it explains why we think of the 1970s the way we do.

QURAN DESECRATION: An Al Qaeda-affiliated sucide bomber attacked a mosque in Kandahar, Afghanistan, killing at least 20 people. No word o­n how many Qurans were destroyed, but I'm sure it's the fault of the U.S., somehow.

THE UNITED NATIONS Security Council o­n Tuesday condemned for the first time sexual abuse by its peacekeepers after being told U.N. members ignored such exploitation for decades, fearing exposure of their own soldiers' wrongdoing. For some reason, this story does not seem to get the same press coverage given to more isolated incidents of wrongdoing or alleged wrongdoing by U.S. troops.

THE DUTCH overwhelmingly rejected the European Union constitution Wednesday, by a vote of 63 percent to 37 percent, an even worse defeat than the 55 percent "no" vote in France's referendum Sunday. However, the Dutch vote was not expected to have the same dramatic result for domestic politicians as France's referendum Sunday -- a loss that was a public humiliation for President Jacques Chirac. Not that the EU needs my advice, but next time, maybe try something a little shorter than 500 pages.

iDOG will listen to music with you, dance with rhythm and compose songs. A stuffed animal will listen to music with you. And I would bet that even most dog-lovers really don't want to listen to songs composed by their dog.

ROBOTS: Toyota has set up a division to make household robots, hoping to reach the market by 2010.

MAKE POVERTY HISTORY WRISTBANDS sold by Oxfam and other groups were made by Chinese forced labor. Oops.

WHOLE FOODS is the next Wal-Mart?

VICTOR NAVASKY, publisher and former editor of The Nation, has been working behind the scenes in a key, uncredited role at the Columbia Journalism Review. CJR executive editor Michael Hoyt claims Navasky is just offering business advice. However, as The Nation became profitable for the first time primarily due the magazine's role as a critic of the Bush Administration, I would like the CJR to explain how that strategy works for them.

EDU-BLOGGING: The latest Carnival of Education is o­nline. ALSO: Increases in homework may actually undercut teaching effectiveness and worsen disparities in student learning, according to two Penn State researchers. The authors argue that "in poorer households -- often headed by single parents, parents with comparatively little education or, in some nations, parents held back by language barriers -- homework may not be cordially received, especially by parents of small children." The authors note that Japanese kids do less homework than American kids, yet score higher o­n many international tests. Why? It's not class size per se -- classes are much larger in Japan. It may have more to do with instructional methods and culture. I would suggest that lack of parental involvement is at the root of the problem -- which most educators are not politically suicidal enough to say.

JESSICA SIMPSON AND PUFF DADDY are hawking ProActive acne solutions. Puffy is getting paid three million bucks. I don't know how much Simpson is getting paid, but did you really want to see Puffy's picture here?

AN EXPERIMENTAL SUPERCOMPUTER that can reconfigure itself to tackle different software problems is being built by researchers in Scotland.

DEEP THROAT: After having been embarassingly scooped by Vanity Fair, in part because the Felt family apparently thought it was unfair for Bob Woodward to make all the money from W. Mark Felt's role as Watergate informer, the Washington Post has started a Deep Throat blog. It's no surprise that the paper would like to paint the Felt family as greedy and Bob Woodward as a victim, is it? ALSO: As I thought yesterday, there are some holes in the story. Nixon biographer Jonathan Aitken argues that Felt could not have been the source for the leak about the infamous 18-and-a-half minute gap o­n the White House tape of June 20, 1972 featuring Nixon and his chief of staff, H R Halderman. PLUS: At TalkLeft, a former Clinton Adminstration Justice Department official does not think Felt should be lionized.

EVA LONGORIA is getting a lot of good vibes from fans of Desperate Housewives.

VICTORIA BECKHAM: The ex-Spice Girl is releasing a series of tracks under a secret name -- because she fears her identity will put fans off buying her music. Hey, no o­ne is using "Deep Throat" at the moment...

THE MAN-HUG: A guide for the awkward.

RIVAL GANGS OF BUDDHIST MONKS brawl after years of antagonism between monks from the two temples who had often exchanged curses, insults and rude gestures as they collected alms o­n different sides of a road in Bangkok.

IS THERE A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW?

THE SONOGRAMS OF CLASSIC RECORDS: Airwindows, a CD mastering outfit, shows you what classic records look like to help sell their services.

SLEATER-KINNEY'S Carrie Brownstein tells the San Francisco Bay Guardian that the band's new song "Jumpers" was sparked by an article about suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge that appeared in The New Yorker. At the Pitchfork, Ms. Brownstein lists "Ten Songs to Enjoy o­n a Fair-Weathered Sunday."

LIVE 8: Bob Geldof officially announced a star-studded day of concerts in Europe and the United States in July (coinciding with the G-8 summit, natch) aimed at pressuring world leaders to end poverty in Africa. So if I want to fly to Berlin, I can see Brian Wilson and a-ha...

BULLETTE is trying to attract attention from record labels by offering an entire album for free download at her website. You can download the whole thing at o­nce or a track at a time, which is what I'm doing. So far, so good. It's indie-rockish, with various flourishes...tuneful, not inviting an obvious comparison with others offhand, which is good.

50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER: The Paul Simon tune lists o­nly a few of them; The Morning News has the rest.

"I WANNA DESTROY YOU," as covered by Six By Seven, can be downloaded this week over at Chromewaves.

BRADGELINA UPDATE: Director Doug Liman fears the shocking sex scenes between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith are so realistic that fans of Jennifer Aniston will boycott the film. Or Liman thinks the controversy will boost the box office. Apparently, Aniston is so upset that she's asked David Arquette for help, a sure sign of temporary insanity. New York Daily News Gossip Ben Widdicombe thinks that Mr. & Mrs. Smith shows that Pitt and Jolie have "maybe the best o­nscreen chemistry since the invention of color film." Of course, in the same column, Widdicombe quotes disco diva Vickie Sue Robinson, who died in 2000.

CHRISTIAN SLATER, last heard from asking strangers for Cialis in a restaurant restroom, is arrested for groping a woman o­n the street. Sounds like someone fronted him that Cialis.

BRITNEY SPEARS is more famous than her husband, but I have to hand it to the folks at the Boston Herald for dubbing her "The Bride of Federline."

TOM-KAT UPDATE: You can stream clips of Cruise's interview with Access Hollywood, including a Scientology-based rant against psychiatry and drug treatments. Katie Holmes is joining the ffort to convince people that their romance is real.

CHARLES LINDBURGH had three German mistresses simultaneously, according to a new book published o­n Monday. Apparently, when Chuck dropped the isolationist stance, her really dropped it.

BONO talks about Pope John Paul II, President Bush, Jesse Helms, Gorbachev and more in a book excerpt published in the London Sunday Times.

STAWBERRY FIELDS officially closed its doors o­n Tuesday.

THE MODERN ROCK 500 is being repeated throughout the week at WOXY, a longtime pick to click of prof. Ken King.

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE rent control. That's all they really want.

THE LOVE STORY OF JOHNNY AND JUNE CARTER CASH, as read by Sarah Vowell, a/k/a Violet Parr of The Incredibles.

LLAMAS have "nanobodies" that are smaller and more stable than human antibodies, which may could point the way to new ways of tackling human diseases. They also have two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey.

CATS AND DOGS: U.S. airlines will track the number of cargo-area pet deaths and begin reporting the data to the government.

DOGS are tortured to tell the future in Bulgaria. o­n a lighter note, the Jodiverse has a gallery of dogs Jodi has met. Awwww...

FRENCH MELT: In the wake of the "no" vote o­n the EU Constitution, president Jacques Chirac has named Dominique de Villepin (who is a man) as France's new prime minister. The BBC's Caroline Wyatt in Paris says that he of all candidates "most typifies the French elite so roundly rejected by the French people o­n Sunday." But Reuters thinks he's "dashing." So he's got that going for him, which is nice.

GERMAN MELT: German teens, faced with liberal parents who are tolerant about sex, drugs and rock and roll, are increasingly rebelling by turning to neo-nazi fashion, music and ideology.

DEEP THROAT is revealed to be W. Mark Felt, former number two man at the FBI. Woodward and Bernstein confirm the admission, though I believe Watergate junkies will find that if Felt is the guy, Woodstein offered up red herrings about his identity. In 1980, Felt was convicted of conspiracy to violate civil rights for his admitted role in arranging illegal break-ins, burglaries and other measures against friends and relatives of fugitive members of the Weather Underground; he was pardoned by President Reagan in 1981. The same story notes that James Mann, who worked at the Washington Post during the time in question, gave everyone a big hint about this back in 1992. At Protein Wisdom, Jeff Goldstein lists "9 rejected names Bob Woodward ALMOST used for his Watergate source, 'Deep Throat.'"

DARFUR, perhaps the world's worst humanitarian crisis, is blogged at Brooklyn Vegan. The links to NSFW pics of Natalie Portman are just a bonus.

UZBEKISTAN: Sens. McCain, Graham and Sununu met with opposition leaders and urged Karimov's Government to allow international inspectors in to investigate the reports of massacre in Andijan. (President Bush has similarly urged an investigation.) The Karimov government would not meet with the Senators.

IT SHAKES ALL OVER LIKE A JELLYFISH, that crazy little thing called love.

IT'S NOT A CONE OF SILENCE, but the cone of babble serves the same privacy function.

BATMAN BEGINS opens this month. The art of Mark Chamberlin reminds us why it's a good thing that this prequel-of-sorts will not feature the ambiguously gay duo.

NANOROBOTS could soon be taking pictures in your intestines.

THE UNMELTING POT: 26 groups are lobbying to have NYC to translate all school documents, including school notices and report cards, into nine languages.

NOT A FORTUNE-TELLER as much as a fortune-writer.

ARROGANCE IN JOURNALISM: Andrew Cline, a former journalist going into academia, lists ways in which j-school students are taught arrogance. But if you want a case study, you need o­nly read Jon Carroll's column in the San Francisco Chronicle, the thrust of which is that the press may get things wrong, but we should just grovel at the feet of his colleagues for actually doing the job of journalism.

GITMO UPDATE: The Associated Press repeats the complaints of some detainees, claiming that they "offer a glimpse into the secretive world of Guantanamo Bay," before admitting that "Whether the stories are true may never be known." Amnesty International's idiotic claim that Gitmo is a "gulag" was served up as a pinata for President Bush, who called the claim absurd. More absurd is Amnesty's refusal to admit that this was a mistake, which will o­nly further marginalize the group and distract from whatever valid claims it may have. Meanwhile, terrorists bomb mosques, kill Muslim worshippers and some Pakistanis blame America, going so far as to torch a KFC restaurant in Karachi, killing six more innocent locals. "We hate America because Americans are responsible for the miseries of all Muslims in the world," said Nisar Haider, a spokesman for the Immamia Student Organization. Which explains the bombing of the aforementioned mosque by an al-Qaeda affiliate. And why most Afghans and Iraqis demand their old regimes back. What, they don't?

MINI-ZOO DISCOVERED IN PUBLIC HOUSING: In Vienna, Austria, firemen called to a flooded first floor council flat discovered a mini-zoo including a pig, two pythons, a caiman and several cats swimming in the water.

HIKER ESCAPES BEAR ATTACK with his Brazilian martial arts training.

CHICKEN TICKETED FOR CROSSING ROAD gets complaint tossed in court.

I DID NOT PLAN to update for Monday, but as people seem to have been stopping by the site over the weekend, I thought I would offer a couple of bonus links...

TOM-KAT UPDATE: FWIW, Page Six of the New York Post reports that Katie Holmes is engaged to Tom Cruise, just a month after the two started publicly canoodling. And she's converting to Scientology, allegedly.

MORE MEMORIAL DAY, courtesy of Greyhawk at The Mudville Gazette. The Gazette has also been featuring stories of the fallen, should you wish to explore that site. Otherwise, check the Memorial Day links posted Friday. There will be a ton to catch up with on Tuesday, so come ready to click!