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THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE:

HALLOWEEN TIMEWASTERS: This online pumpkin carving is okay, but this tutorial in pumpkin carving is even better.

FRIDAY TIMEWASTER: Fulfillment, from the sect of Homosaku.

CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH: Frontman Alec Ounsworth does an e-mail interview with Paste: "I'd rather not do phone or face-to-face interviews because there have been whole sentences fabricated or certain leaps of faith made o­n the interviewer's part regarding what I've said." Pitchfork digs the band's new track, "Satan Said Dance."

SON VOLT: The band's October 21st show at the 9:30 Club can be streamed or downloaded from NPR.

THE BEACH BOYS are suing an auction house, claiming that 28 lots intended for sale next week, including original test pressings for some of their best known hits and the original arrangement sheets for "Good Vibrations"and "God Only Knows" -- both with handwritten notes from Brian Wilson -- were stolen.

THE ARCTIC MONKEYS will pack it in if they end up as a parody of the Kaiser Chiefs.

BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE: Billboard asks Jimmy Shaw about the difficulty in playing with BSS and (along with fellow BSS-er Emily Haines) the more new-wavey Metric. You can compare and contrast by watching the BSS video for "Almost Crimes" and Metric's video for "Monster Hospital" (Thanks, Brooklyn Vegan).

RYAN ADAMS: Scenestars now has an internet radio station that's all-Ryan, all-the-time. Which is also a good excuse to note that he and Parker Posey appear to be involved in a bizzare love triangle that has nothing to do with New Order.

SPIN and VIBE magazines have been quietly put o­n the market.

SCOTT MILLER: Little Hits is killing music with selections from Game Theory and the Loud Family.

DAVID HASSELHOFF: His "Best Of" collection is getting rave reviews o­n Amazon.

PETE DOHERTY-KATE MOSS UPDATE: Moss has checked out of rehab. So what did ex-beau Johnny Depp reportedly give her to celebrate her release? A mirror.

REESE WITHERSPOON was terrified her first attempts to sing like June Carter Cash in Walk The Line would leak to the internet, because they were terrible. Witherspoon knows about the internet? Who'da thunkit?

KIRSTEN DUNST: It seems like her jokes about buying champagne at Costco may have some basis in fact, if the photos at Hollywood Rag are any indication.

CAPOTE: The tour-de-force of Phillip Seymour Hoffman has boosted sales of In Cold Blood and the biography that inspired the film (though the movie is based o­n about 50 pages of the bio).

MASTERS OF HORROR: Tonight -- if you're a Showtime subscriber -- you may want to check out the 13-part original horror anthology from a roster of directors and writers in the genre that deserve the title. First up is "Incident o­n and Off a Mountain Road," by Don Coscarelli. Later episodes are directed by John Carpenter, Joe Dante, John Landis, Tobe Hooper, Dario Argento and others.

KING KONG: Peter Jackson's remake of the classic is weighing in at three hours long and costing 207 million bucks.

LOOKING FOR COMEDY IN THE MUSLIM WORLD: The trailer for the upcoming Albert Brooks movie is available in glorious Quicktime.

YOUR MOMENT OF SITH: Just in time for the Revenge of the Sith DVD release next Tuesday, the leak of Yoda rapping and breakdancing.

BRADGELINA UPDATE: Jolie is sighing with relief after an Ethiopian judge ruled she is the legal guardian of baby daughter Zahara, despite the alleged mother coming forward.

VAUGHNISTON were in full make-out mode during Jon Favreau's birthday party. Vince, you're so money, baby.

NANCY SINATRA was unimpressed with Jessica Simpson's version of "These Boots Are Made For Walkin.'" Presumably, Nancy was referring to the audio, as opposed to the video.

BRITNEY SPEARS reportedly mocked her husband's attempts at singing. The same report o­n their marital misery claims that "while Spears was busy changing their infant son?s diapers, Federline reportedly spent two hours getting his hair braided." If it wasn't Spears, I would question whether it takes two hours to change diapers.

JESSICA BIEL: Since she was named "the sexiest woman alive" by Esquire magazine, I thought it would o­nly be fair to let people see the Esquire pictorial for themselves. After all, I am all about the fairness.

THE FRENCH HOTEL topped a Teen People poll of the biggest celebrity egos, beating out a number of musicians, including Kanye West and Jack White.

MICHAEL JACKSON is selling the Neverland ranch. He's reportedly missing the payroll for his employees there, too.

ELLE McPHERSON says PETA lied when the group claimed that she wanted to get out of her mink contract and was out in support of the line this week.

BROOKE SHIELDS is pregnant with her second child, which she plans to name Paxil, just to annoy Tom Cruise.

MICHAEL MOORE is a "corporate criminal, environmental menace and racist union-buster," according to a new book.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY has run back to ex-boyfriend Jamie Dornan.

CULT OF THE iPod: It's probably a misstep for Apple to try to use the recently departed Rosa Parks to sell the gadget. It's much better PR to have doctors putting medical images o­n them.

ROBOTS may perform surgery in space, guided by eartbound humans.

NANOTECH: These molecules were made for walkin.' And that's just what they'll do.

ATTACK OF THE BLOGS is the title of a story by David Lyons in Forbes magazine. Obviously, bloggers are going to respond. It should suffice to note that former dead-tree journalist Dan Gilmour thought it "a pile of trash." And that at least o­ne blogger doesn't think Lyons is accurate in another story, either.

KARL ROVE: As I write this, we don't know whether Bush's top political adviser will be indicted (The New York Times thinks not today), but it does look like he may be dumped by his longtime galpal for a ranch hand. However, he may be able to find love elsewhere.

IRAQ: London's Guardian (of all papers) has uncovered evidence of a growing split in the insurgency between the locals and the foreign jihadis of al Qaeda. StrategyPage notes that the Muslim media is less and less willing to be an apologist for al Qaeda, at least when it comes to killing Muslim civilians.

OIL-FOR-FOOD SCANDAL implicates more than 2,000 companies, France, Russia and China -- all countries that coincidentally were in favor of lifting sanctions against Saddam and opposed the 2003 invasion.

FRANCE: The suspicion of past corruption tainting Jacques Chirac's presidency returned to haunt himWednesday when a court imposed suspended sentences and fines o­n his former henchmen for a scheme involving tens of millions in school building contract kickbacks. o­ne man missing from the proceedings was "the president whose name we dare not utter," a defense lawyer alleged.

A PUG named Torres claimed the crown of political top dog in the British parliament's dog of the year contest. Maybe Torres will bark out o­n behalf of the 26 percent of British dogs that suffer from their owners' stress.

EMILY THE CAT left her home in Appleton WI and sailed to France.

GOLDFISH: Under pressure from PETA, The First Assembly of God Church has agreed to discontinue the practice of swallowing live goldfish as part of its Fear Factor ministry.

PYTHON UPDATE: Today's encroachment o­n humanity is the 11 1/2 foot, 45-pounder found in an Iowa cornfield and taken to a reptile nature center in Ames.

100 PIGS used as an instrument of revenge.